The Haven
Published in

The Haven

Dear Old Glory: Advice Column For the QAnon Set

My buddy gave me a handy and now I’m afraid he’s gay

Dear Old Glory,

I’m worried that my best buddy Ron might be a homo sapiens. The other day we were showering after touch football in the park and I made a playful grab for his tallywacker. I couldn’t help noticing that he got a semi, so just to make sure, I gave it a few…

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Patrick Metzger

Patrick Metzger

Dilettante, smartass, apocalypticist. ***See “Lists” for stories by genre.***