Debating Vice. Trust Me, I’m A Battle Ready Expert.

Fatchecker
The Haven
Published in
3 min readJan 2, 2024
Photo: Columbia. “Mind you don’t walk into my fists.”

Hi ev’ry body!

I’m here to tell you how to win arguments and influence people.

1st Person: So you’re some kinda expert?

Me: Well you’re here reading this ain’t you?

My world famous expertise, is bostin like chips and peas.

Remember? It’s the shit.

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Hit it

There’s a famous saying, “Lost the battle but won the war.” It’s the kind of thing Sun Tzu, the Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher would’ve said.

This famous saying can be easily applied to social media arguments. However, there is a “Don’t,” and “Do” technique.

Let me guide you through it, like a camel through the eye of a needle.

photo of actor Priscilla Lane kicking actor Cary Grant up the arse
Photo: Cine Text / Allstar/Sportsphoto Ltd. / Allstar.. “Mind you don’t sit on my foot.”

The scenario. You hear that someone has said something outrageous. This rages you and you are triggered to quite rightly express your outrage to anyone who will listen.

Someone gets in touch and says, “Actually, that’s not strictly the case. If you like, I can send you a link so you can see for yourself what was actually said. It’ll take 5mins max to have a look, and then you can make your own mind up.”

You say, “Cheers, I’d appreciate that.”

You social media moron! That’s a hard (hard like Chinese arithmetic) hard, Don’t.

You rocked a Lose/Lose.

photo of Mo from The Three Stooges pulling Larry up by the hair with one hand and strangling Curly with the other hand
Photo: Columbia Pictures “Mind you don’t get your hair caught in my fingers and your throat stuck on my hand.”

Turn that clown upside down. Rock a Lose/Win.

This is what you should’ve Dood, “I haven’t got time for that shit. I’d rather spend 15–20mins reading what other people are saying about it.”

Like Sun Tzu, the Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher probably said, “Lost the battle, but won the fucking war.”

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Fatchecker
The Haven

Culturally diverse blue collar ageing b-boy and incessant moaner. Midlander. yUK. Pronoun: Amateur hour.