Debating Vice. Trust Me, I’m An Expert.
Hi ev’ry body!
I’m here to tell you how to win arguments and influence people.
What makes me an expert? Well you’re here reading this ain’t you?
Once upon a time, in the olden days, people used to say, “We’ll agree to disagree.” What snowflakery is this? If others don’t agree with you what’s the point of them existing?
The secret to winning any argument is the Mic Drop.
“A mic drop is an emphatic and declarative gesture signifying the conclusion of a performance of note, often literally (or as if) dropping a microphone.” — Merriam-Webster
Don’t waste time persuading others with strong arguments. Mic Drop ‘em.
It don’t matter what the topic is, and remember only fools stay on topic, chuck a ‘Nouveau Slur’ grenade into the mix and walk away.
Sun Tzu, the Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher once said, “Never engage. Remember the three ‘Ds.’ Dismiss, Disregard, Dump.”
So what are my best ‘Nouveau Slur’ Mic Drops?
1. Boomer
We all know every single one of those Baby Boomers is crazy rich with bricks of Gold in their cellars and attics, chucking them on open fires when the temperature dips below 20°, instead of doing what they should be doing which is solving Climate Change which their generation invented. They are truly the most selfish cohort to walk the Earth.
Boomer: Do you still want me to pay for that flat deposit love?
Me: Not now Nan I’m busy.
2. Entitled
Absolutely everyone has a sense of entitlement, apart from you obviously. How do you combat this minority? Try this zinger, “Your sense of entitlement runs so deep that you genuinely believe that you are entitled to disagree with me.”
1st Person: “Zinger?” Since when are we American?
Me: My bad.
1st Person: “My bad?” I refer you to my first question.
Me: Shut y’gob.
3. Male
You hear that? That’s the sound of Patriarchy, and that sound is specifically coming from the mouth of your enemy. Take every opportunity to remind them of this. They’re female you say? You literally don’t know how patriarchy works do you?
4. Privileged
This is the gift that keeps on giving. Great on It’s own but can be combined with others. A bit like cheese. My personal favourite is to combine Privileged with ‘education.’ “You had a privileged education.” Boom. Mic Drop.
1st Person: To be fair the school you went to would’ve been your parent’s choice. It’s kinda unfair to blame a child for a choice that their parents made don’t you think?
Me: Only someone who went to private school would say that.
1st Person: I didn’t go to private school.
Me: Don’t gaslight me.
5. White
Brother Martin once said, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” What foolishness is this? Not being judged by the colour of your skin? Why do think your enemies have skin colour? For judgementalism stupid. Bonus points if you can say they conform to “white supremacist social norms.”
6. Conservative
What makes a Conservative a Conservative? You. Allow me to illustrate.
Me: Do you agree with me?
1st Person: What about?
Me: Conservative!
Remember, I’m here for you.
No, not you. I remember that one time you disagreed with me.
Hay, you know what? As you’re a trusted client I’m going to exclusively reveal my secret weapon. Suitable anytime, any place, any topic.
“Yeah well, at least my mum don’t smell.” Boom. Mic Drop.
Like me, you too can win any argument. My debating skills are:
Tremendous Original Clever Superior Intelligent Creative
Please do not turn that into an acronym.
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