Debating Vice. Trust Me, I’m Even Experter.
Hi ev’ry body!
I’m here to tell you how to win arguments and influence people.
What makes me an expert? Well you’re here reading this ain’t you?
Following last weeks extremely popular post,
1 million hits so far which is equivalent to 4 or 5 actual reads, someone going by the handle ‘ill Informed’ got in touch to ask, “You. Yeah you! What if the person you’re arguing with says something stupid like “what they actually said was,” or “the original context was,” what do you do then?”
I’ve heard of this tomfoolery. Your enemies call it ‘accuracy.’ This is an elaborate trap, a bit like looking into Medusa’s eyes. Seriously? You’ve never heard of her? Google it. Other Google engines are available.
Never look at the original source. Never look at the original context. Only trust the wisdom of others like you who have already made their mind up, after trusting the wisdom of others that have already made their mind up. Remember herd immunity.
However your enemies lack wisdom. They need schooling. They literally don’t know what they are. You need to ‘Drop Science’ on them.
‘Drop Science’ — “To show off one’s talent and ability, as if to educate others.” — Wiktionary
Sun Tzu, the Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher once said, “The best form of defence is the fence made of accusations.”
Educate your enemies. Tell them what they are.
So how do you ‘Drop Science’ on these fools? Try any of these:
1. You’re obviously one of THOSE
This one is multi use. A bit like a dessert spoon. Use it as is, or include a little something at the end. I occasionally opt for adding a wee dash of ‘people.’
2. Apologist
Who defends the indefensible? A apologist.
1st Person: ‘An apologist.’
Me: That’s what I said.
1st Person: No, you said….Ne’ermind, you were saying?
Anyway… Now I’ve lost my train of thought. Just call them Apologist ok.
3. Mansplainer
You hear that? That’s the sound of the barbarian hoards called Sexism, and leading the charge is your enemy. However because they’re so coked up on testosterone they don’t realise they are literally the Chief Petty Officer of Sexism. They’re female you say? This one again? You probably don’t even know how to spell Patriarchie do you?
4. Hypocrite
“1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings” — Merriam-Webster
Or, my personal favourite:
3 : a person who is so stupid they don’t agree with you
5. Collaborator
Fact. THEY don’t agree with you. Fact. THEY therefore agree with someone else. Fact. THEY are your enemy and THEY are basically in bed with themselves.
1st Person: I think you’re kinda taking this a little bit too far. ‘Collaborator’ does have connotations with the Second World War after all.
Me: Only a Nazi would say that.
1st Person: A bit harsh.
Me: I bet you use Gifs.
Remember, I’m here for you.
No, not you. I remember that one time you contradicted me.
Hay, you know what? As you’re a trusted client I’m going to exclusively reveal my secret weapon. Suitable anytime, any place, any topic.
“Liar liar, pants on fire.” Boom. Science Dropped.
Like me, you too can win any argument. My debating skills are:
Versatile Enlightened Nuanced Original Masterful Omnipotent Unique Stupendous
Please do not turn that into an acronym.
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