Dick Pics Are Ridiculous
Because Dicks Are Ridiculous
Nobody I’ve dated has ever sent me a dick pic.
Probably because they know I’m a humor writer and they suspect that I’ll use it to illustrate a mocking essay about them.
Which is 100% on the money.
I totally would.
I’ve never encountered a flasher either. Nobody has ever jumped out of the bushes, showed me his penis and asked, “Is this big enough?”
Which is what happened last week to a woman who’d been taking a walk near the library where I work. After the flasher ran away, she came into the library to phone the cops to report him.
Now we all refer to him as Mr. Penis.
“Watch out for Mr. Penis!” Deb will call out to me as I begin my walk home after we close at night. “Let us know if it’s big enough!”
If I do run into Mr. Penis, I plan to steal the punchline from a cartoon I once saw in which a flasher shows his dick to a woman who responds, deadpan, with “That looks just like a penis. Only smaller.”
I’m very lucky. I’ve only had one unexpected penis encounter.
Many years ago I was driving a guy that I’d been dating (but hadn’t had sex with yet) to a local restaurant when all of a sudden he pulled out…
