The Haven
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The Haven

Donald Drumpf Jr. lets an eager tot try out the plushy pistol model outside one of his stores. (Credits below)

Don Jr. Opens “Guns-R-Kids” Online Shop

”Get ’em in the game early and they’ll never get out”

Was he too proud to ask his father for help? one reporter asked. “Like all good fathers, he told me I need to sleep in the bed I shit in. What an inspiration. It got me off my ass, and look where I am now.”

Where he is is a nationwide chain financed with money “from sources I met during my father’s campaign. Ones I’ve been told by my father to never mention because it might paint a witch hunt target on my back. So mum’s the word about Russia, if you know what I mean. But the terms were great. I gave them some old files from my father’s office and I don’t owe a cent.”

This 47 Kalashnikov with cuddly bear saved a child from barrel burns on his fingers during focus testing.

The chain is financed with money “from sources I met during my father’s campaign. Ones I’ve been told by my father to never mention because it might paint a witch hunt target on my back. So mum’s the word about Russia, if you know what I mean. But the terms were great. I gave them some old files from my father’s office and I don’t owe a cent.”

He opened his hatch to preview some of the of his “kid-friendly” products. “Every gun comes with a silencer, to make shooting safer and silenter. This will make it easier for kids to cope with the recoil and noise. Kids under six get their choice of two dozen plushy dolls to strap to the barrel. It helps them cuddle their guns at night and keep their fingers from burning on a hot barrel.”

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