SATIRE
Don’t Smartphone Your Boredom Away in Public
Why? It’s so not elegant, innit?
Don’t use your phone at the bus stop
Don’t use it in the tube
Nor in the melting pot
Of strangers from all over the world
That don’t care about you
or your phoneYet
Don’t pretend to be typing the ultimate New Yorker article, we all know you’re blowing coloured bubbles like a three-year-old nitwit.
Don’t chance your phone for good news, the like/fav/heart you were waiting for, the missed call from your lover. A lucky sign? No. It doesn’t exist. Luck, love, shamanic bullshit, potayto potahto. You shall resist the temptation. Take a deep breath, count to three, two, and-busted!! Keep it in your pants you digital perv!
Don’t do the business face when briefly checking the time on your device. It is clear to everyone that you’re helpless, and that you’re praying all sorts of divinities to give you a fuckin buzz, a blip, anything vaguely resembling a notification, the uselesser the better, it don’t matter, so that you can gloriously properly grab your phone and check that freshly-sent spam email with pride.
Lame.
Pity on you.
All of you.
