Drumpf Calls for Civility
Condemns media and Democrats for bombings
Hours after learning of pipe bombs sent to media and Democratic players, Drumpf called for civility. He did so because Chief of Staff John Kelly dragged him to the Rose Garden and twisted his arm. “Believe me, and I say this of my own free will, not because a mutinous and traitorous White House staff is making me, we should be more civil.”
The word “civil” was barely audible, and continued to be inaudible when reporters asked him to repeat it until he said, “Civil, all right. There. We need to be more civil.”
As soon as he was free to hide in the bathroom, however, Drumpf Tweeted, “Civility means Nationalist Civility, in which we take on ENEMIES of the Nation. Like the CIVIL WAR in which heroic Americans were beat down by the CHEATING DEMOCRATS OF THE NORTH.”
A follow up Tweet added, “Republican President Lincoln tried to pacify the Democrats and lend assistance to our HEROIC SOUTHERN PATRIOTS, but the Dems demanded TOTAL surrender. Like today.”
“Civility means Nationalist Civility, in which we take on ENEMIES of the Nation. Like the CIVIL WAR in which heroic Americans were beat down by the CHEATING DEMOCRATS OF THE NORTH.”
This afternoon, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters Drumpf had proof the Democrats sent the bombs themselves “to make real Americans look bad. Just like they set the Saudi’s up for 911, when we all know it was Iran who even now is trying to infiltrate our southern borders with this caravan.”
When asked for proof of her claims, especially following Drumpf’s admission that there’s no proof of any Middle Easterners in the South American caravan, Sanders chided reporters. “You’re our proof. If you weren’t so mean to me and the President, no one would need to send those pipe bombs. Which were harmless toys by the way. No damage except to overly inflated media and Democrat egos.”
Sanders added that if reporters really wanted proof, all they needed was to look at the FBI. “Do you see a Special Investigator for this horrible bombing attack? No. If they thought we were responsible, they would be all over us with microscopes and anal probes. But we have business as usual. That means they’re in collusion with the Democrats.”
“If you weren’t so mean to me and the President, no one would need to send those pipe bombs. Which were harmless toys by the way. No damage except to overly inflated media and Democrat egos.”
Drumpf lectured Democrats on civility during a Wisconsin rally this evening, claiming “we should stop treating political opponents as morally defective. The defects of the Democrats are mental not moral. When you’re retarded, you don’t have a high road to take.” He added, “Republicans should take the high road Dems couldn’t find on a map. In fact, we should mail them gifts, and the White House is offering civility gifts on its web site to let your opponents know how you feel.”
The gifts, working pipe bombs in wrapped gifts boxes, sell for $22.95 on whitehouse.gov/giftshop. This is the first item offered for a price lower than $499.99.
When asked to stand up to the President for racist and hateful comments that may have prompted the bombings, GOP leaders have replied, in unison, “Why should we be civil when the Democrats started it? They say we’re ‘misguided,’ and ‘bought off by lobbyists.’ We’re not, misguided. We follow the level-headed policies of our campaign donors. We tease them with names like, ‘Communist,’ ‘Criminal,’ ‘Traitors,’ ‘Thought Police,’ and ‘Spawns of Satan.’ There’s plenty of blame to go around.”
Jonesing for an additional 45 fix? Check out:
- Allan Ishac
- Steven Rouach
- The White House Log, a roundup of my reporting.
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.
