Drumpf Sits Out Parade
On his ass in the luxury of his limo
On Saturday, Drumpf told the world it was too wet to go outside and pay his respects to the soldiers. On Sunday, when world leaders marched to honor those lost in World War I, Drumpf sulked and rode in his limo behind them. After he ditched the closing meeting on globalism because, “I don’t like that word,” he he complained on Twitter that the world “disrespects him.”
One Tweet claimed: “They didn’t schedule a single meeting I would attend, and they had the nerve to criticize Nationalism. Like nationalists were Nazis or something. Shows how much history they know.”
”They had the nerve to criticize Nationalism. Like Nationalists were Nazis or something. Shows how much history they know.”
Another complained: “They expect me to march with them, in the open, and expose myself to rain and dangerous liberal mobs? If they warned me I would’ve brought the Secret Service.”
He even suggested: “We give the Europeens our best toys. F-1 Fighters, B-3 bombers and nukes. Do they share their toys? NO!!!!! Losers.”
The Haven called the White House to see if it was true that he didn’t take the Secret Service to France. Our source, speaking off the record, said, “We doubled his detail because he was afraid the French let too many immigrants walk their streets.” When informed of Drumpf’s statement that he “would have brought the Secret Service,” our source informed us, “We’ve had the schedule since September. Kelly’s staff offered to read it to him out loud, but he told Kelly to ‘handle the detail shit’ while he focused on the big picture.”
”The President can’t contradict himself and he can’t lie. It’s written in Article 22 of the Constitution.”
Caught by reporters outside the Oval Office yesterday, Drumpf explained, “When a country hosts the leader of the Free World, they need to make sure the weather’s better. Instead they deliberately made it rain to make me look bad. I can think of no better proof that weather and climate change are not manmade. Fake Science.”
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders cancelled another press conference to avoid explaining the comment. However, she discovered CNN’s Jim Acosta waiting in her office.
Sanders revoked Acosta’s press pass last week. However, Once he explained he couldn’t attend the press gatherings, but could visit her in her office, she immediately called for a face-to-face with the press.
“It’s not a contradiction to say the French concocted rain to humiliate the President and that people can’t control the weather,” she told reporters. “It’s a fact of life.” Pressed on the inconsistency, Sanders charged, “When will you people learn? The President can’t contradict himself and he can’t lie. It’s written in Article 22 of the Constitution.”
“Maybe we should ALLY WITH RUSSIA instead of Europe. Vlad will be grateful to support our army, unlike our FAKE ALLIES.”
Drumpf also bristled over French President Emmanuel Macron’s suggestion that Europe should consider building their own army. “We’ve defended those assholes for centuries,” Drumpf Tweeted. “We’ve been their sole defender since the fall of Rome and this is how they treat us?”
Another Tweet reads: “Let France have their army. They won’t pay for the one we gave them. Good luck.”
He also Tweeted, “Maybe we should ALLY WITH RUSSIA instead of Europe. Vlad will be grateful to support our army, unlike our FAKE ALLIES.”
Tweet battle resumes: Critics 125, Drumpf 0
Drumpf picked up his defense of the Saturday cancellation on Tuesday, Tweeting: “I didn’t CANCEL BECAUSE OF RAIN. Staff AIDS Fuentes (Mexican? Immigrant?) said couldn’t fly and traffic would be slow if I drove. GET IT RIGHT, LIBERALS!!” He then Tweeted, “Staff made me look bad. NEVER TOLD ME I would TAKE SHIT for MISSING STUPID CEREMONY to watch IMPORTANT CABLE NEWS. Hope this SETS RECORD STRAIT!!!”
The Tweets launched a shit storm of criticism that Drumpf was too afraid of facing traffic from the comfort of his limo to honor the troops, and that only a moron wouldn’t have known that cancelling his visit to the ceremony would make him look bad.
Aide Zachary Fuentes told The Haven, “He asked me to give him a report on ‘the travel situation.’ I didn’t know he would decide to cancel the trip. Besides if you volunteer information he doesn’t ask for, he yells at you for trying to tell him what to do. He was already biting people’s heads off because of the elections. I didn’t want mine bitten too.”
Jonesing for an additional 45 fix? Check out:
- Allan Ishac
- Steven Rouach
- The White House Log, a roundup of my reporting.
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.
