CHEERS TO INGENUITY

Drunk Asshole Puts His Own To Profitable Use

A handy tip for when money is tighter than your anus.

Unfortunately, this is a butt-clenching true story that took place when I was a student at Manchester Metropolitan University in the UK.

To describe the culture, let’s just say it was a great educational institution where occasional studying would take place during well-deserved breaks from the heavy drinking syllabus.

I quickly adapted to the alcohol-fueled academia, which became a physical fact when I had to register with a local doctor. As I handed the nurse a full urine sample, I could tell she was impressed with its thick, frothy head that resembled a pint of Boddingtons bitter, aka, The Cream of Manchester.

But enough about me; I want to tell you the story of a fellow student who really did take the piss (and worse). His name was Stuart, but to protect his identity, let’s just call him Stu.

For want of a better phrase, Stu was a “himbo” — extremely handsome but as dumb as a stick. He was a “Brummy” from Birmingham with that thick regional accent, and he was a charming bastard.

At the time, most of us didn’t have much money. The student loan thresholds were way lower than today, and the…