Eh-Holes at Canada Revenue Agency
Officer David Miller of the Canada Revenue Agency called me at work one day all the way from India. India! And yet, the call was crystal clear, as though he were not calling from the other side of the world, as though he were calling from the lounge twenty feet from my desk. There is a lounge twenty feet from my desk because I am a nursing unit clerk at a longterm care facility. But, I digress.
It is a wonder to me to listen to long distance phone calls these days. When I spoke to friends in England or France or Japan in the olden days (the 1980’s) long distance calls were a pain.
I remember five second time lags, harsh staccato static crackling through lines that made it feel like your eardrum was being punctured repeatedly with a sewing machine needle and broken sentences allowing only every third word to come through, “…Cana…offi…back ta…prison…”
But now? Now the Canada Revenue Agency can call you from India and sound like they are next door. It is amazing.
Now, of course we are all aware that there have been differing opinions as to the efficacy of transferring so many Canadians to India to call Canadian taxpayers from that beautiful and exotic (to us) continent.
1. Canadians are not used to hot weather. Though the CRA employees relish the colours of India, the gorgeous saffrons, reds and golds as opposed to the white/grey winters of Canada there have been reports of call centre employees fainting or keeping their bare feet in ice buckets and who foots the medical bills from the resulting frostbite? You and me. That’s who.
2. Though housing is much cheaper in India, it is an expense now borne by the taxpayer to subsidize those CRA employees who were forced to move, usually without being able to sell their Canadian homes first. And now some employees are demanding that we, the taxpayer, also pay their Canadian mortgages while they are stationed in India.
Come on! Homes these days are outlandish. Canadians these days build ‘average’ homes we would have considered mansions in the 60’s. You and your childless bride didn’t really need a 4,000 square foot lakeside home with private dock to park your Formula 40 Performance Cruiser. And we, the taxpayers of Canada, are not paying for those boat storage fees.
3. Canadian CRA employees with children are particularly taxed (sorry not sorry) as transferring to schools in India is not as straightforward as it might seem. So most employees have left their children behind in Canada with the grandparents. And, though they complain about this aspect of their transfers to India most vociferously, some actually crying (CRYING!) in the office, their whining is shut up immediately upon reminding of the millions of Phillipinos working in Canada, and usually multiple difficult jobs (not the cushy high paying office jobs of the CRA), apart from their families for years, in order to send money home.
“BIG BABIES DON’T WORK FOR THE CRA.” It’s posted on every wall in every CRA call centre, office and toilet worldwide.
4. Canadians are not good at accents, eh. Though they practice and practice and take the mandatory four week, ‘Stereotypical Indian Accents For Foreigners’ they never reach Hank Azaria level. Officer David Miller was difficult to understand. I wrote to the CRA and told them he needs to take the four week course again or perhaps Azaria is available for private tutouring except that when I think about it there is a problem.
Azaria is not Indian. And, the CRA should be fair in hiring tutors for foreign based employees and actually hire citizens of India to teach the extreme version of the accent (which the CRA deems necessary for some reason).
Why does the CRA follow the example of Hollywood? For too long Hollywood has had whites playing everything from Khan in Star Trek (Benedict Cumberbach) to Apu to Geronimo to the King of Siam. Ashton Kutcher’s embarassing potato chip commercial was completely cringe worthy and, speaking of embarassement, eh…
Our own Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, embarassed both Canada and India on his trip to India a few years ago, with his whole family in over the top costuming as though, as Indian commentators put it, “they were going to a wedding everyday.”
He even wore the styalized curl toed shoes. As one Indian radio host said, “Dude, we wear Nikes.”
Ouch.
And finally…
5. Cultural Appropriation: CRA don’t be so racist. Just stop being all around EH-Holes. Hire Indians to play Indians.
