Elect Me Captain of the JV Frisbee Team
You Will Not Regret It Dudes
Hello fellow disc tossers and enthusiasts. That time of the year is coming upon us. The seniors will be graduating in a month including, but not limited to, our current captain, Brad. I am here today to make a simple point. I should be elected the next captain of this here proud and powerful JV ultimate frisbee team.
I am the best choice for many reasons. Firstly, I am the most experienced player on this team. I have been playing on frisbee teams since 3rd grade. My uncle was the captain of his frisbee team in graduate school, so he took me under his wing when my lame-o parents wanted me to be a piano protégé. He told me my fingers were meant for throwing and catching polyethylene, not tickling ivory.
My next piece of evidence: I have the least commitments and therefore can dedicate more of my time to this team. It is common knowledge that the other two contenders for this position, Troy and Mike, are in the honors program, and Mike even has a girlfriend too. I on the other hand have an impressively average 2.96 GPA and am notorious at this school for frequently talking about anime, making me the candidate with the most free time to dedicate to being captain of the team.
My final rationale is possibly the most compelling, a tip I learned from my English teacher in our unit on ethos. I would be the best captain for this team because I am prepared to take the whole team to Burger King if we win a game. I already got the go ahead from my mom who will pay to take us all if you can get a ride there after the game and if I agreed to do all the chores she asks me to which I did.
Now, finally, to address the elephant in the room, a phrase I learned from my English teacher on our field trip to the zoo. Yes, I am only a sophomore and traditionally, the captain is a senior. I swear to you, my age has no effect on the fact that if you elect me captain, I will lead this team better than any senior, coach, or parent volunteer. Especially Cole’s mom who’s been volunteering to coach every year since his older brother was a freshman.
To conclude, a vote for me is a vote for freedom, equality, fraternity, and Burger King. No matter the result of this election, let’s have a great season landsharks! We’re gonna go all the way to nationals!
