The Haven
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The Haven

Election 2020

As told through the lens of a recovering rock musician

(Element5 Digital)

Imagine the lead singer from your favorite band very clearly poisons some of the other members of the band — you know this because he gave some private (but now public) media interviews about it, even though he was kind of shy with the details in public.

Then, while the bandmates were ill and dying, he starts Tweeting about a reunion tour which will happen at some point, over the next four years, possibly with some of the recovered members, but maybe with some other, brand new/less-experienced musicians. He won’t tell you who will be in the band, or how exactly he’ll make the tour happen, but it will happen — but first you have to buy tickets, and it’s kind of a blind purchase where you just put in your credit card and some amount gets charged on the other end. It might be $50 or it might bankrupt your entire family, but you don’t know and that’s just how it goes.

The band is definitely going to be Great Again.

Although, you really have no evidence of this. Frankly, you’re not quite sure the band was ever really any good, and the lead singer was always blaming his screwups on the drummer, bassist and manager. But, you pretty much take him at face value and enter your credit card information anyway.

Before you click “PURCHASE,” a disclaimer warns you that your computer might get infected with some new type of malware, and currently no computer technicians know how to fully fix it. But you dive in anyway, and hope for the best, because you just f*cking love this band.

Anyway, fast-forward four (or fifty two) months and there’s a massive class-action lawsuit waiting for the lead singer for a whole bunch of shit you did (and didn’t) know about, and the rest of his band is totally broke and living on the streets.

Don’t forget to vote, kids!

And remember, you only get to vote once, irrespective of what the lead singer told you at his last indoor rally. Concert, I mean concert.



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Evan Wildstein

Evan Wildstein

Words on work, organizational culture, and humor. More at