Elon Musk’s X Posts Rebutting the Totally, Absolutely, Undeniably False Charges of Antisemitism

Why is the ADL coming after me, Elon Musk, of all people, for being “antisemitic”?

I’m a lover, not a hater! Except for that jerk Zuckerberg. But that’s it.

Never once have I said anything bad about *Jews*; I’m merely calling out a shadowy cabal of internationalists bent upon the destruction of w̶h̶i̶t̶e̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ T̶w̶i̶t̶t̶e̶r̶ X.

To be clear: I’m not against Jews, but maybe they’re against me? #JustAsking

Definitely not antisemitic, only misunderstood! I’m just trying to mind my own business and to realize my personal ambition, which is to become the 21st-century Henry Ford

Also, not a fan of Chuck Schumer. #RegulateThis!

Not that anyone has even brought this up, but I partied down once in 2014 with Jared Kushner. Definitely more fun than that dweeb Zuck. Kushner *is* Jewish, right?

By the way, what’s with that Soros guy?

Seriously, how is it that the stock of Zuck’s “Meta” is fine, while X is now worth, like, a third of what I bought it for? Whose fault could that possibly be? And, while we’re on the subject, how lame is “Meta,” while X is totally cool, and, for the record, the new corporate logo looks *nothing like* the flag of a dystopian fascist state

And if I’m *so* antisemitic, then why, in the dozens of class-action lawsuits my employees have filed against me for racial and gender discrimination, has that been only occasionally mentioned?

About Zuck again, you tell me why advertisers — many of them based in New York City, nudge nudge, wink wink — like his “Threads” better than X, claiming “no moderation” this and “ever-growing toxic cesspool of disinformation, misogyny, and hate” that. Just sayin’

This week I’m meeting with Bibi Netanyahu. What could possibly say *not* anti-Jew louder than a staged, one-off photo op with ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ Israel’s ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶E̶l̶d̶e̶r̶s̶ chief ̶o̶f̶ ̶Z̶i̶o̶n̶ executive?

The ultimate proof that I’m not antisemitic: Some of my best friends are Jews. Or, some of my best Jews are bankers. Or, some of my best bankers are friends. Or, a suspicious number of bankers are best friends with each other. Whatever! You know exactly what I’m trying to say here.

One more thing about Zuck: Why is there a Social Network movie about him, but not one about me? I’m looking at you, Hollywood. Also, to play me, could you cast Mel Gibson?

In any case, Jews, let’s all be friends. I mean it. Come to think of it, SpaceX could really use some of those lasers you all have.

Oh, and about that movie again: My dude Ye could do the soundtrack.