Police officers were called to defuse a tense situation on a city bus in downtown Denver on Monday evening after local commuters reported that an empty food container refused to give up it’s seat for a visibly pregnant woman.
The bus driver, Vincent Malloy, 52, says he is unaware of how long the empty food container had been riding the bus before stirring up the controversy but judging by the amount of hot sauce packets scattered around the container, he is certain it came from the Chuy’s Tex-Mex restaurant in Lakewood, Colorado because, “The one up in Westminster barely gives you any of them shit’s.”
Among the passengers were a local college student named Cup, a single father looking to mingle and an older lady with multiple soups. “It was an absolute disgrace,” said Cup, 19. “The woman politely asked the food container to scoot over and it completely ignored her. It just sat there with it’s lid wide open taking up two seats!”
By the time the police finally arrived on the scene things had gotten out of hand. Mr. Malloy was forced to pull the bus over as passengers hurled expletive laden insults at the empty food container. One passenger was heard calling Chuy’s “a damn second rate Illegal Pete’s wannabe Diarrhea Machine.” This sparked much outrage and an even more heated side debate amongst the passengers as to which local Denver Tex-Mex establishment was indeed the best.
When asked why nobody else willingly gave up their seat to the pregnant woman, the passengers had their reasons. “I needed somewhere to put my backpack,” admitted Cup. “I wasn’t about to sit with that thing on my lap, there are like 3 textbooks in there!”
“To tell you the truth I was more worried about that woman with all those soups,” said Mike Chutney, 40, a single father who actually lists long walks on the beach as a hobby on his Bumble account. “Did she really expect not to spill any the entire ride? That take balls, man!”
The whole ordeal came to a dramatic end when the Police were able to forcibly remove the container from the bus to a wave of rapturous applause after a fifteen minute stand-off that sent four people to the hospital.