English Majors: What Their Pens Say About Them

Plastic BIC
A true broke college kid. Found the pen in an abandoned classroom and held on to it too tight. Of course, the cap is missing and the ink is starting to leak out of the tip, but as long as they keep secure in a plastic bag inside of their pencil case, everything should work out.

Multi-colored pens
These are definitely the education majors. It doesn’t matter if they’re going for elementary or high school, they all buy the biggest packs of colored pens they can. Bonus points if the pens have a color-coordinating poof or animal on the end (this is more common in elementary majors, but high school teachers can be just as… eccentric).

Pencil
This is the indecisive one. They can never use a pen because they are ALWAYS changing their mind. This doesn’t mean that they are late to turn things in, but it means that they sent their professor three copies of their latest paper because they didn’t like the ending in the first two after rereading them four times to their cat and both of the first endings resulted with the cat licking it’s balls. (The third was only a success because the cat got distracted by a shiny object and looked interested.) Oh, and they chew on the eraser when they’re thinking. This isn’t necessarily bad, except now they spend an obnoxious amount of money on erasers because they still hate how their notes look and they chewed the eraser off their favorite pencil.

Fountain pen
This is the major who wishes they were living in 18th century England. Nevermind the disease, lack of education, no equal rights, or the church STILL going after witches; the aesthetic of it all is so worth it.

Coordinating highlighters and pens
These are the freshmen who believed their high school teachers when they said college was “a whole other ballpark.” They are trying to be far more organized than their older sister, who dropped out after failing all her classes and now is a cashier at McDonald’s. Green is always for science.

Bank brand pens
These people NEVER have a pen. They are always grabbing them from banks, booths, drug dealers, or even their moms. And they never can find them after they’re used. (Half of the pens are under the passenger seat in their car and the other half are in the kitchen under the sink. There’s no logical explanation for that one.)

Mini pen attached to mini notebook
More than likely, this is a Lisa Frank notebook. This student probably also has a matching folder, matching binder, coordinating stickers, and some glitter stored in their bag. The bag is more than likely colorful, if not also covered in glitter. The pen has a poof. With a tiger. And glitter.

Pilot G-2
Talk about your perfectionists! These students basically have made their own font. Every letter of every word is perfectly sized and spaced, though that doesn’t mean the pages are always spotless. These majors have a habit of crossing out words they deem “unacceptable,” and write the same word next to the scribble, making sure the font is kept consistent.