EPA, NIH Websites Now Full of Pictures of BEAUTIFUL BABIES

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Leaders of federal government departments, agencies, and programs like the Environmental Protection Agency, the National Institutes of Health, the Department of Education, and more are reported to have begun to strip all the text from their websites. Sources say they’ll be replacing all those words with pictures of BEAUTIFUL BABIES, because that’s the only method proven to successfully make Yuck Trump’s brain and/or heart budge in a mildly reasonable direction.

While departments like HUD and Health & Human Services have easily obtained pictures of BEAUTIFUL BABIES that are specific to their departments’ missions, others are experiencing more difficulty. A senior official from the Department of Energy, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, stated that it’s hard to find pictures of BEAUTIFUL BABIES that deal with nuclear energy. So, he stated, he has resorted to making terrible MS Paint collages. “I can’t afford Photoshop,” he said. “Whatever.”

So terrible.

Thus far, the only government agency who hasn’t gotten aboard on the BEAUTIFUL BABY picture train is the National Endowment for the Arts. Although one would think that the idea of using captivating images to influence the mind of a president would appeal to an organization devoted to things like images, no individuals from the agency would stop screaming long enough to provide a comment to this reporter.

More information will be added to this story as our country descends further into chaos.