Ernest Hemingway Rewrites Classic Texts

Happy Birthday, EH.

The Wizard of Oz

A girl awoke from a strange dream.

The Great Gatsby

Gatsby was rich. But he was sad. He loved Daisy. She was married. Wealth destroyed him. It destroyed them. I went to Yale.

100 Years of Solitude.

People are born. Those same people die. Family means everything. Family means nothing. Time has passed. It will continue to pass.

Elements of Style

Write drunk. Edit sober.

The Crucible

Something was wrong. The girls shrieked. The men feared. They blamed the women. They tried the women. They hung the women.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

A man came to the house. He did not know I saw him. He gave, ate, and left.

Mrs. Dalloway

A woman threw a party. It was sad in the way that parties are sad.

To Kill a Mockingbird

The girl was innocent enough. Her father was a good lawyer. Racism is a powerful force. It was quelled this once. The hermit emerged.

Pride and Prejudice

Elizabeth was headstrong. Darcy wanted her anyway. He almost didn’t. Then he did again.

The Bible

Fathers live through their sons. They die that way too. Sometimes, they come back.

Don Quixote

The man was insane. The woman was beautiful. The squire loyal. The windmills whatever they needed to be.

The Declaration of Independence

The king would not stop. We put a stop to him.

The DaVinci Code

There was a murder. They called the college professor. It was solved. Viva la France.

The Communist Manifesto

The intellectual says the workers are angry.

Green Eggs and Ham

He offered me something to eat. I said no.

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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Taylor Kay Phillips

Written by

contributor @ Reductress, @McSweeneys, @TheBelladonnaComedy, writer for NightLate at UCB, makes great burgers

The Haven

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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