My Big Break

Every Thursday I visit my mom at assisted living, and we take a leisurely drive through the countryside. Last week we were exploring the Pine Barrens, when lo and behold, I spotted the Jersey Devil.

He was black and hairy and shaped like a gorilla. He had the head of a bull, and horns like a goat, and he was just sitting on a tree stump, throwing rocks at an empty beer can to pass the time.

“Look Ma, the Jersey Devil! The Bigfoot of the Pine Barrens, the Abominable Snowman of the east. He’s right there!”

“That’s not the devil,” she said. “That’s just a bear.”

She was wearing her reading glasses and couldn’t see very far, so she busied herself by playing solitaire on her iPad, while the Jersey Devil stood up to stretch and yawn. It was amazing. I reached for my phone to film the creature, but my battery was dead, so I took mom’s iPad.

“Give me that back.”

“In a minute, Ma.”

I activated the camera. I recorded the Jersey Devil as he threw a few more stones and when he finally hit the beer can, he pumped his fist in the air and did a little dance to celebrate.

“Ichy, I want my iPad.”

“Here mom. That device is worth a fortune now.”

I turned the car around and sped toward Princeton to share my discovery. “This is my big break, Ma! Finally, I’m going to be rich and famous. People will write books. People will fund me to look for mythical creatures.”

“No they won’t. I’ve already deleted it.”

“What? But — why would you do that?”

“Because it was just a bear, and you’re too old to look for mythical creatures. Why don’t you go to the post office and find a nice job with benefits?”

I slammed on the breaks and the car stopped in a cloud of dust.

“You’re always doing this! You’re always trying to control me and spoil my special plans. It was the Jersey Devil, Ma! It was the Jersey Devil!”

I was crying so hard that I couldn’t say anything else. I banged my head against the steering wheel and had such a breakdown, that eventually Mom got out of the car and hitched a ride on the back of a dirt bike that happened to be passing through the pinelands. Every day I went back to look for the Jersey Devil, but I never saw him again, and eventually I gave up and applied for a job at the post office. They say you become an adult when you stop blaming your parents. I say that’s a bunch of nonsense.