Extrovert of the Year Presents: Elements of An Ideal Small Talk
An expert’s guide to chit-chatting
After successfully socializing for 20 hours at a stretch and being the loudest person in multiple rooms for a month, I have been conferred the title of Extrovert of the Year by the International Society for Social Chaos.
As a way of giving back, I’ve decided to share tips about things I excel at, like small talk, seeking attention, and arranging parties that’d overwhelm Gatsby. For now, we’ll focus on the elements that make an ideal small talk.
I would’ve loved to speak on this topic but some of you turned deaf after listening to me, so here I am typing my lessons.
The things one must do for society.
Presenting to you, The Elements:
Greet: Start with a Hi or Hello and make sure it lasts at least 5 seconds. Stretch the words like “Hiiiiiiiii” or “Heeeyyylllooo” and you’re off to a good start.
How are you?: Ask them how they are. For me, this is the most boring part of any small talk because the other person says ‘fine’ 99 out of 100 times. But once, a friend punched me in the face after I asked that. Why? Well, it had something to do with me being at the center and she at the side in all the pictures we’d captured at a party the previous night. It was her birthday party. Okay, let’s move on to the next point.
Work: Where do they work? Do they still have to wear those shoddy formals every day? Do they still get taunted by their colleagues for being friends with you? Insightful questions like these can help you dig deeper into their life while crafting an excellent small talk.
Commute: Talk about their work commute. No, you can’t help them out in traffic or get them a seat on the bus overflowing with people, but you can share your own commute problems with them. Through this useless comparison of misery, you two can pity each other and bond better. Hopefully.
Listen: Only if you can. Express yourself even if you have to interrupt them. One time, I was admitted to a hospital due to breathing issues after I tried listening to the other person. The doctors said it was their first case of someone suffocating on words.
Ending the small talk: If you’ve successfully followed the above points, chances are the other person has already left. That way you need not worry about ending the conversation. Great, right?
Stay tuned as I’ll be back with more guides that’ll make your social life better! (Kindly get your hearing aids next time so I can speak and not type.)
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