Extrovert of the Year Presents: How to Seek Attention When No One’s Giving Any
Here! Look at me!
People!
You didn’t listen to me when I told you to get hearing aids, so I have to write again and not speak. In case you missed the first part of my lectures, check out this extremely informative article on small talk:
Our topic for today is seeking attention. Everyone loves attention but no one acknowledges it. With this guide, you can finally stop pretending and subtly occupy the mind space of the people around you.
Talk about crypto/Elon Musk/Metaverse: Knowledge, luckily, is not a prerequisite for seeking attention. So, it doesn’t matter if you don’t know anything about cryptocurrency, Mr. Musk’s adventures, weird stuff happening in the metaverse, or anything about anything for that matter. Talk loudly and confidently; people will listen to you.
Interrupt, Interrupt, and interrupt some more: Say you’re in a group and people aren’t aware of your presence. How do you change this? Interrupt the person who is talking. Start with “I’m sorry to interrupt…” and then don’t stop talking. Eventually, people will try to stop you, but don’t; just show them your palm and continue.
Wear fluorescent clothes: Probably the easiest way to grab the eyeballs of people and stray animals.
Sickness: No one catches attention the way a sick person does. Have a minor headache? Call everyone around you and tell them you think you have brain cancer. Common cold? Sneeze loud enough for people to turn their heads and wonder if there’s a monster in the room. No sickness? Just say you’re feeling ‘uneasy’ and that you can’t explain what’s happening to you. That works. Mostly.
Chatting: In virtual communication, you can seek attention by writing in ALL CAPS or all lowercase letters. don’t bother starting a new sentence with an uppercase letter. People will notice this and in turn, notice you.
Pretend to meditate: This is a counter-intuitive way of seeking attention. The key is to sit in a place where people won’t expect you to meditate, like in the middle of your office lobby floor, inside a swimming pool(At your own risk. Remember, you’re a pretentious extrovert, not a fish), in the middle of a high traffic road(again, a risky one but worth it), etc.
Finally, tag some of your favorite authors: Patrick Eades, Stephanie Wilson, Christine Stevens, Laurel B. Miller, Ajin, Srini. There’s no better way to seek attention on Medium than to tag people. Why else do you think this feature exists?
Liked this? Check out some of my other scribblings:
