Famed Wharton School of Business updates its curriculum!

Pennsylvania’s famed Wharton School of Business recently announced that, in an effort to stay abreast of changes in today’s corporate culture and professional industry, it would be adding new courses, modules and delivery methodologies to its set of storied curricular offerings.

“This academic refresh is a regular and anticipated part of Wharton’s commitment to surveying the professional landscape and identifying any curricular holes in order to best position our graduates for currency and professional readiness, as well as to supply the world’s businesses with the next generation of corporate leadership,” said Wharton provost Jacob Collingham, in an interview last Tuesday.

And while such traditional bedrock and capstone MBA courses as “Marketing,” “Organizational Behavior,” “Management” and, in particular, “Business Ethics” were deemed antiquated and increasingly irrelevant, Wharton’s multi-sector industry-wide environmental scan did identify “Mustache Twirling,” “Dynamic Monocle Placement,” “Back slap-ology” and the proposed historical survey course “Top Hattery” to have particular industry relevance for tomorrow’s captains of industry.

“While we garnered excellent results in terms of employment for our graduates,” continues Collingham, “when we created our now famed placement program at Cypress Point, Augusta and Burning Tree, where recent graduates are allowed to simply wander the back nine and let their height, male privilege, monochromatic pasty complexions and ability to ‘mansplain’ meaningless obvious facts vault them towards the dizzying heights of business success, we realize that we cannot simply rest on our laurels and need to change with the times.”

It is in that spirit that, according to Collingham who’s own graduate dissertation thesis “Firm Handshakes, Inappropriately Loud Guffaws and Cigar Chomping: A Foucauldian Dialectic for CEOs and Beyond” was deemed downright “Wasendorfian” when it won Wharton’s top graduation prize in 1994, that the school is doing away such targeted courses as “Plunging your Neckline to Success” and “Heel Tottering towards the C-Suite” for its disproportionately small female student body, replacing them with the more instructive applied offering, “The Male Gaze: Seeing Beyond the Suggestive Wink” that is increasingly important for success in today’s corporate environment.

“It’s all about inclusion and more fulsome representation of our constituents,” stated Collingham conclusively.

Applications to Wharton for the 2022 academic year, which are rarefied and by gilded invitation only, closed yesterday.