ALTERNATE LIFESTYLES
Feeling Proud On Father’s Day: A Nocturnal Man’s Journey To Accept His Father
Life is not black and white, but shades of gray
The arrival of my son on a Saturday night two years ago was a turning point in my life. An event that made me look back at my own childhood in small town Wisconsin and reexamine my relationship with my own father.
For years, it was impossible to win his acceptance, as he struggled to come to terms with my lifestyle.
Growing Pains
By the age of 14, I knew I was different from the other boys at school. By then, there were a few hints: missed play dates; having watched every episode of The Late Late Show; wearing pajamas at school.
One day, wide awake at 4am, I confronted, what deep down, I always knew to be true.
I was nocturnal.
June 1995 was the beginning of a difficult time for me and my parents.
After I told my family I would be waking up at 8pm for the rest of my life, my father flew into an angry rage.
“Your choice of lifestyle is going to make the rest of your life painfully hard.”
“My choice?? And, it’s my life!” I shouted back bitterly.
“In my day, we didn’t have the ridiculous ideas your generation has. If I was your grandfather, I would beat the tarnation out of you.”
Heroically, mom rushed over, wedged herself between us, and made clear she would leave if he laid a hand on me. Dad retreated to the basement to hammer on wood with his metal tools (which must be a Freudian metaphor for something else).
After he emerged from his subterranean hibernation in 1996, in the short periods of time we overlapped, Dad and I barely spoke. Household chores were the only topic deemed fit to discuss with me.
“Scott, it’s your turn to mow the grass.”
Our nocturnal-phobic neighbors often called the police. They were literally terrified of my presence in the neighborhood at 3am.
Soon, I was nearing high school graduation. One day, when my parents thought I was asleep, I overheard my father grumbling about me over breakfast:
“How is he going to get a job? I’m not going to pay for him to be a loser.”
“It’s just a stage. He’ll grow out of it.”
Mom was pleading my case as usual.
I did not grow out of it. Because I was born this way. Nocturnal. And boy, did I prove Dad wrong!
After graduating from community college (attending night classes), employment opportunities popped up everywhere. In the era of the internet, data centers didn’t stop running at midnight.
Empty chairs rapidly appear on the “Graveyard Shift.”
In response to landing a high paying job, my father simply raised the bar.
“He might be paying his bills. But he’ll never find a girlfriend with his lifestyle.”
That stung. Sure, I didn’t have a partner, but I had found solace with my new friends. Especially, those I met eating at the 24-hour dinner on Lakewood Ave.
I made a few mistakes. Falling in love with a person on the internet, believing we were a match made in heaven, texting until 5am every night for six months. Then, I found out Jenny lived in the Philippines, had a “normal schedule”, and fell asleep at 10pm watching the X-Factor with her family every night. This broke my heart.
For the next week, I tried to wake up at 11am, to be “normal”. I wanted to change.
But it was a lie.
Be true to yourself, is what my new-found mentor, Stephano, a 3rd shift supervisor at Georgios Diner, told me.
I persevered, and slowly gained acceptance from those in my life, and even met my partner, Luna. Her schedule might not be the same as mine, but she wakes at 2pm, and we understand each other.
These days, our son Griffin runs into my room and bounces on my bed every morning at 6pm. I crawl out of bed to watch cartoons with him while the sun is still up. That’s how much I love my son.
Everyone might not accept this lifestyle, but I’ve found my place in this world, and for this, I am so grateful.
My father and I now have an amazing relationship. We pass the baton of awakeness from one family member to the next each night. If there is a nuclear war, the Christensen family will not miss it. No other family has that, and I’m proud.
Nocturnals could ask for a month to celebrate our way of life, but we don’t need to.
We own the night.
Unexpected Benefits of a Nocturnal Lifestyle:
- Cheaper air conditioning bills
- Good deals on Red-Eye flight airplane tickets
- Plenty of empty seats on public transport
International Perspectives
As with many cultural trends, Europe has been the first to embrace people with different sleep waking cycles.
- Prime de Nuit: Workers in France who work at least 8 hours between 9 PM and 6 AM are eligible for a tax-exempt night shift premium
- Schichtzuschlag: Shift workers in Germany receive a tax-free allowance for working outside of regular business hours.
This article is dedicated to the members of the nocturnal community we lost in the pandemic due to the limited opening hours of vaccination centers.
