Feminism, Feminism (So Good They Named It Twice)
Feminism is very complicated. However a sexist might say, “It can’t be complicated. A woman invented it,” thus illustrating why we need feminism.
I probably find feminism complicated because I’m a man. I know, typical man, hiding behind his cock (can you still say behind?).
Luckily for me a very wise person once said, “It is a truth universally acknowledged that everything is shit easy to understand when reduced to multiple choice with no wrong answers.”
There is a scene in the film Mother Wore Tights that perfectly illustrates this tried and tested theory. By the way, Mother Wore Tights is a 1947 Technicolor musical film starring Betty Grable and Dan Dailey as married vaudeville performers.
The scenario: 3 young women are accidentally offered a chance to audition for the show. Who is the True Feminist in the scene?
The answers:
(A). The person in the blue dress, who happens to be a woman, is the True Feminist because they immediately leave a situation where they believe someone who happens to be a man will exploit them.
(B). The person in the green dress, who happens to be a woman, is the True Feminist because they are an independent thinker. They trusted their own judgement. They did not immediately follow the person in the blue dress when they left a situation where they believed someone who happens to be a man would exploit them. Milliseconds after the person in the blue dress decides to leave; they immediately left a situation where they believed someone who happens to be a man would exploit them.
(C). The person in the white dress, who happens to be a woman, is the True Feminist because they did not automatically believe that someone who happens to be a man would exploit them. They believe they will be offered an ‘empowering’ employment opportunity.
(D). The person in the suit, who happens to be a man, is the True Feminist because they embrace the empirical (not a real word) evidence that women cannot be feminists unless they have a job.
(E). The hat, that happens to be an inanimate object, is the True Feminist because it covers and protects the head of someone who happens to be a man who embraces the empirical (still not a real word) evidence that women cannot be feminists unless they have a job.
(F). The box office assistant, who happens to be a man, is the True Feminist because once they find out what happened in the boss’ office they will Tweet about it.
Epilogue
1st Person: What’s your favourite musical?
Me: Mississippi Burning.
1st Person: Mississippi Burning isn’t a musical.
Me: Tis too. Jews singing. Summut ‘bout violins.
1st Person: That’s Fiddler On The Roof starring Topol.
Me: You’re making that up.
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