Five Signs Your Husband Is A Monster

Lots of women wonder about their husbands — and who can blame them?

Photo by Jared Brashier on Unsplash

Lots of women wonder about their husbands — and who can blame them? Husbands get up to a whole lot of no good.

So here are five possible really nasty things your husbands might be up to. Can you spot all the movies they come from? And can you spot your husband in any of these descriptions? If so — run!

Five Signs Your Husband is a Hideous Extra-terrestrial Reptile Underneath That Human Skin Suit

1. He sobbed at the end of ET.
2. He put down on his passport application for the box “Place of Birth” that he was born “Underneath the Denver Airport.”
3. He caught a fly with his forked tongue the other night.
4. He says he works in insurance.*
5. You found five other human skin suits in his closet. WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN HIS CLOSET!!!!!

Five Signs Your Husband is a Secret Satanist

1. The neighbors brought you chocolate pudding that had a weird undertaste.
2. You can’t seem to get that damn “Fur Elise” song out of your head.