Following Thanksgiving Feast, Many Wake Early for “Brown Friday”

The Droll Skeptic
Nov 26, 2021 · 2 min read
Photo by Jed Owen on Unsplash

One day after gorging themselves with Thanksgiving fixin’s, many people across the U.S. will take part in a pre-dawn ritual which will see them gather with a sense of excitement and urgency. Anxiously, as if their lives depended on it, they will push and shove their way to the front of the pack while being careful not to get trampled. Once inside their destination, they must quickly take advantage of the situation and release the pent up energy that’s been building inside. No, it’s not pre-holiday shopping deals that they will take advantage of, but an emergency trip to the bathroom to evacuate their bowels on what’s being dubbed “Brown Friday”.

“One can only stretch their stomach and the laws of physics so far until something has to give,” says biomedical sciences professor, Gottog Opu.

Photo by Usman Yousaf on Unsplash

“What goes up, must come down. What goes in …well you get the rest. Stuffing oneself on triple helpings of Aunt Jeanie’s marshmellow yams and cheese casserole can only lead to one inevitable conclusion.”

Plumbers will be on-call for any emergency toilet issues that may arise.

“Toilets are only designed to handle so much,” said one plumbing expert. “To be sure that your family is protected, check your toilet manufacturer’s operating limits guidelines. Past “Brown Friday’s” have seen a 10-fold increase in toilet usage. Let’s just say that our sewer systems will be nearing maximum capacity.”

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Despite the health risks associated with over-eating and the stress on our aging sewer systems, this popular tradition is likely to endure for generations to come. It does seem certain that come the crack of dawn following Thanksgiving, people will continue to dawn their cracks.

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