The Haven
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The Haven

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Quit Due to Overwork and Stress

Refusal to let them work from home pushed the Deliverers of Doom over the edge

The Great Resignation has claimed four more victims with the announcement that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have handed in their notices. In a statement, the harbingers of the last judgment said, “our increased workload has made it impossible to do the job properly, so we have decided to resign and pursue other interests.”

In addition to shouldering a dramatic increase in their doomsaying duties over recent decades, the Horsemen have had to contend with a decline in respect for their profession. The flood of negativity created by social media often drowns out their dark pronouncements. “Nowadays mortals just shrug when we deliver wars, famine, and mass fatalities. I mean, what’s the point dude?” complained the Pale Horseman in a recent interview with The Doom Channel.

Last year the Horsemen tried to fight back with the launch of their own social media channel called Messages From The End of The World. The channel was gaining traction and had attracted significant advertising dollars when it was reportedly bought by Meta and disappeared soon after.

In a final bid to improve their lot, the Horsemen demanded that they be allowed to work remotely. “We’re constantly away from our families and the commute to the four corners of the Earth is a killer,” explained the Red Horseman. They presented plans to automate the job with robot horses, but the idea was rejected. “That was the last straw,” opined the BlackHorseman.

The Horsemen have not disclosed their future plans, but are considering several lucrative offers from media companies including an opportunity to host a slot on Fox News. Meanwhile, it may be some time before replacements are found. The job’s long hours and the requirement that incumbents sign a contract for eternity make it difficult to attract candidates at a time when so many other, better-paying doomster positions are available.

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K. B. Cottrill

K. B. Cottrill

Constantly losing the main plot while finding quirkier ones to write about for print, stage, and screen.