Ruff Humor
Get a Nanny For Your Dog
Our dog can tell we’re going back to work. She’s not eating. She’s ripped up all her toys. She’s using our armpits as nooks. She watches us when we sleep. She’s started vaping. She’s trying to get the mailman to deliver a letter to dog protective services.
We sat her down. “We get it, Ewok,” we said, handing her a tub of dog ice cream. “We’re getting you a nanny.” She relaxed and happily licked away.
Listen, dog friends. Your dog has had your full attention for a year. You’ve spooned with her. You’ve had long conversations. You’ve asked her for advice. You’ve built her elaborate towers by the windows so she could bark at squirrels. You’ve dressed her up and taken photos. And now, you think you can walk out the door and leave her eight hours a day?
No. You’re cannot. You’re getting her a nanny. And yes, no one less than Mary Poopins. Not a dog walker. Not some neighbors teenager who watches Tiktoks while walking your beloved. A fully qualified, CPR trained, Masters in Education nanny.
You wouldn't leave your child at home to fend for themselves, would you? If you would, this advice column isn’t for you. You’re not an enabler and you’re not projecting your unrecognized longings onto your dog. Good for you.
