SCIENCE HUMOR
Gravity Gives up, Starts Letting Science Deniers Hurtle Into Space
Treading extremely lightly
In a statement read by a spokesperson, the gravitational force announced that it has started letting people who refuse to believe in science fly off of the Earth through the atmosphere to fend for themselves.
“I just can’t do it anymore,” the statement reads. “I’ve never done this expecting any gratitude, but I’ve also never felt more insulted, even during medieval times.”
The statement goes on to explain that Gravity is currently letting go of “only those who are actively campaigning against science,” hoping that it will convince other non-believers that science “is, indeed, real… and kind of pissed off.”
“One of my hopes is that Flat Earthers will stay alive long enough to actually see that the earth is round with their own eyes from up there,” Gravity adds in the statement. “I’m usually very reasonable, but when people deny the existence of some of the very things that provide them with life, it really sticks in my craw. I realize some youngsters won’t understand that reference, but I’m pretty old.”
So far, only a few thousand people have been affected, but Gravity said it will reevaluate the situation “in a few weeks.” One man was struck by a plane while flying off of the Earth two days ago, causing concern that some air travelers or flight staff who fully embrace and respect science could be injured or killed collaterally. When asked about this incident, Gravity’s spokesperson said, “We are looking into the situation and will have a reply once our investigation is concluded.”
Public sentiment has been mixed so far. One woman interviewed said, “I think it’s pretty cool. It’s like The Rapture, but the opposite.”
One man wasn’t so supportive, stating, “This is all a bunch of hogwash. You know it’s really just the government — ” before shooting off into the air to a sea of gasps from onlookers.
After that, no one else chose to comment.
