Help! The Please Don’t Destroy guys are viciously beating my ass

Will you do nothing to help me?

I’m not too proud to admit when I need some help, and now is one of those times, because the guys from Please Don’t Destroy are taking turns mercilessly beating my ass.

How did I end up in this predicament? It’s a long story and I don’t have a ton of time to explain, considering the fact that I’m currently getting my ass kicked in a way it’s never quite been kicked before.

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There are three guys all told who make up Please Don’t Destroy, and they each have a unique take on how best to beat my ass.

The red haired one takes his time, is methodical about it, makes sure the beating is thorough. The big one is unthinking in his brutality, wildly flailing his arms and legs in a furious range. The small, sneaky one is perhaps the most frightening, incorporating a psychological aspect to his beating. He also bites.

When one of the guys from Please Don’t Destroy is “done” kicking my ass, he will tag in another, thus ensuring the ass-kicking continues without interruption. Why? What makes them tick? I don’t have answers to these questions. The big one has just started dribbling my head like a…