Hey MAGA world, we have already stolen the election of 2024, so don’t bother.

In its ongoing effort to keep the public informed and to confirm legitimate conspiracy theories, the Deep State is announcing that the 2024 election has already been stolen, and Biden will be declared the winner with 321 electoral college votes. Additionally, Democrats will pick up several seats in House enabling them to take over the majority while they will maintain the 50–50 tie in the Senate.

Based on the inability to find a single shred of evidence from the last election we stole, we can speak with complete confidence when we say to you MAGA world, don’t bother. Don’t strain your brain trying to think about the how and the why (although we still get quite a kick out of the Italian Satellites and the Jewish Space Laser theories — lol). For God sakes, let Hugo Chavez rest in peace. Really, the best thing for you to do is maybe fire up the pickup truck; get your best girl; grab her by the you know what and go get yourself a little somthin’, somthin’.

Take our advice to heart. Relax and don’t get yourself in a huff. Don’t go storming the capitol again. You see how that turned out for all your buds now serving time. Your Dear Leader is going to be ok. Even though he will be convicted of a serious crime or two — he won’t serve any jail time. We have already made arrangements for him to live in V. Putin’s guest house before the verdicts are handed down.

Maybe plan another fishing trip around November. Fix that broken fence post. Take the family camping. Go to Disney World or Graceland. If for some silly reason you do decide to go to the polls, keep this in mind… we have a million ways of accessing your personal information. This includes what beer you drink; how much you really weigh and your favorite porn site (you are so naughty). So, when the era of MAGA is over (and it will be sooner than you think), we will know you inside and out. Eyes will be on you all the time. The Deep State never sleeps.

Not that we are threatening anyone. It is just our way of doing public outreach to you all in MAGA world. We want you to relax and enjoy yourself instead of wasting time doing boring things like voting. So maybe take our advice and sit this one out. Grab a cold one and kick back. The steer has left the barn and he ain’t coming back.

Regards from your friends in the Deep State.