Hey Songs — Be Careful What You Ask For

Note: It seems some people can’t be bothered with question marks

Q: What’s New Pussycat?
A: Well, for one thing, that’s the first time anyone’s ever called me Pussycat. Stop it!
Q: Who Can It Be Now?
A: Well, theoretically, it can be just about anybody. But it’s probably just Mr. Wilson here to complain about some of Dennis’s shenanigans again. Or that pesky process server.
Q: How Deep Is Your Love
A: Not as deep as Jack Dawson's, that's for sure.
Q: Is That All There Is?
A: You're the one who wanted to go to this chi-chi restaurant.
Q: Is You Is or Is You Ain’t My Baby
A: You know, I really do don’t like you.
Q: How Do You Sleep?
A: On my right side. Under a weighted cooling blanket. With a gun under my pillow. And my socks on. And my bedroom window open a crack but secured with window locks so, hopefully, I won't have to use the gun under my pillow. And a couple of floor fans going in summer and a portable heater in winter because AC and heating costs would keep me from meeting my rent payment and then I wouldn't have a bed to sleep in to begin with. And a nutella sandwich on my nightstand so I don't have to get out of bed and go to the kitchen if I wake up hungry. And moving stars projected on my ceiling, which I admit makes sleeping on my side sort of self-defeating. And the Beatles "Good Night" playing softly on a loop on my smartphone, which is way better than counting sheep, let me tell you…I could go on…but it looks like your eyelids are getting kind of droopy. Is that ironic?...Hmmm. Anyway, is there anything else you'd like to ask me?
Q: Do You Want to Dance
A: I guess that would be all right. Just don’t call me Pussycat again, okay?
Q: Who Put the Bomp (in the Bomp, Bomp, Bomp)
A: Well, there's a story behind that. When the Viscounts were entering the studio to record one day, one of them took a nasty tumble down the studio stairs. As bad as it looked, the man was unhurt, so the other members started laughing and funning with him, until one of them said, "This is what you sounded like going down those stairs man: bomp…bomp… bomp…Hey! Wait a minute!" So there's your answer—it was an inside joke.
Q: Where Did Our Love Go
A: Sacramento
Q: Why Can't I Be You?
A: You can. But you have to go to the end
of the line dude.
Q: What Becomes of the Brokenhearted
A: They get recycled.
Q: Have I Told You Lately That I Love You
A: Oh, about 10 times in the last thirty minutes. And each time you slurred the words, like you're doing now. No surprise there.
Q: Are You Lonesome Tonight?
A: Well. . .I am thinking up stupid answers to song questions.
Q: How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away
A: You could go away.
Q: (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding
A: You’re killing me! (Get it? Peace, Love…Killing? Ok, forget I said that.)
Q: Where is My Mind?
A: Sacramento
Q: How Am I Supposed to Live Without You
A: Like a shell of your former self. That always works.
Q: Would I Lie to You?
A: There you go again!
Q: What Do You Mean?
A: Existentially speaking, it depends on who you ask.
Q: Should I Stay or Should I Go
A: Go! And then stay.
Q: Who Do You Think You Are
A: Nobody special really. But see that guy over there? He is The Egg Man. And word around the office is he's on a fast track to becoming The Walrus.
Q: Doesn't Anybody Stay Together Anymore
A: Just speaking for myself, I haven't been at all together since Brad and Angelina broke up.
Q: Are You Gonna Go My Way
A: Sorry, Steven Tyler already told me to walk that way.
Q: Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?
A: I'm guessing it's not what I think you are.
Q: What's The Frequency, Kenneth?
A: Getting a little too personal there aren't we, Harvey?
Q: What Are You Waiting For?
A: I'm waiting for a girl like you to come into my life. Not you though. A girl like you.
Q: Where's The Party At
A: On the way to the courtesy phone.
Q: Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?
A: Not any more.
Q: Are 'Friends' Electric?
A: I'd be shocked if they were.
Q: Does Anybody Really Know What Time it Is?
A: 4/4…wait…5/8…no…6/8…no…Damn Chicago!
Q: Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?
A: Do you need an answer this minute?
Q: Can I Sit Next to You Girl
A: Sorry, this chair is reserved for anyone else.
Q: Why Do Fools Fall in Love
A: Because if they didn't, no one would.
Q: Can We Talk
A:
Q: Life on Mars?
A: Speaking. Can I help you?
Q: Are You That Somebody
A: I was at a bar with friends that night. I can prove it.
Q: Am I Evil?
A: Don't sweat it. You're very, very bad. But evil? No
Q: Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?
A: Well, Mr. Zappa, you said something before about yellow snow, which means you must be peeing outside in the cold, so…
Q: Why Don't We Do It in the Road?
A: Look! The White Stripes are already there! Ewwww!
Q: How Soon Is Now?
A: Sooner than you think, obviously.
Q: Don't You Want Me
A: Okay already. I won't. Sheesh…Oh, that was a question? For some reason (hint, hint) I couldn't tell. Not my bad.
Q: Can I Kick It?
A: Well, you are the waterboy, but—oh, what the hell, just this once.
Q: Can't You Hear Me Knocking
A: Yes, I can. Take the hint.
Q: What's Poppin'
A: Sacramento.
Q: What is This Thing Called Love?
A: So you know nothing about tennis?
Q: Who says you can't go home
A: Det. Munch
Q: Who's in Your Head
A: M. Night Shyamalan. I hate that.
Q: Who's Gonna Fill Their Shoes
A: I'll do it. It should be fun. What should we fill them with?
Q: When We All Fall Asleep Where Do We Go?
A: Sacramento.
Q: Who Made Who
A: Whom do you think?
Q: what made you think?
A: All those lower case letters
Q: What Hurts the Most
A: You're new at this torture thing, aren't you?
Q: What's My Age Again?
A: We've told you your age a dozen times already. Who picked you for this mission anyway?
Q: Where Do the Children Play?
A: There's this park in Sacramento…
Q: When Will My Life Begin?
A: I didn't hear what you said. Yet.
Q: When Will I be Loved
A: Cutting down on the whining a bit might help.
Q: Where are You Now
A: Rocklin, California, just outside of Sacramento.
Q: Where Does My Heart Beat Now
A: Huh?
Q: How Does a Moment Last Forever
A: Huh?
Q: Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)
A: Well, I started in Sonoma. But once the world began turning again I found myself in Sacramento.
Q: Why Don't You Touch Me
B: Because you said you were on fire…Oh, of course.
Q: How Bizarre
A: Even more bizarre than the Freedom Caucus, if that's possible.
Q: How Can I Help You Say Goodbye
A: Saying hello would be a good start.