We here at Target know there is often hardship when shoppers bring in their dogs. It’s simply unfair to our other loyal customers.
We hear you.
For dog owners, we know they’re like family — without all the drama, politics, backstabbing, and embarrassing stories they insist on telling the person you’re currently dating.
So, to make everyone’s shopping experience even more enjoyable, we have a radical plan for all. We’re proud to announce, starting summer 2019, we will be offering complimentary shopping dogs to every single shopper who walks through our doors!
The process is so simple. It’s as easy as finding your exact size in the clearance racks.
Upon entering, you will be greeted by an elderly person from one of the local nursing homes — we love Senioritis — holding a canine companion. Don’t worry, they don’t bite — and neither do the dogs! You get your pick of the litter between a small dog for your purse or “man bag” (on sale now), a medium to cruise in your cart, or a large to pull you along so efficiently you’ll feel like you’re sliding.
*Target does not accept responsibility for injuries related to dragging incidents.
And when you’re done, leave them on the belt or refrigerator in the checkout line, or on a shelf in the home section.
Do NOT leave them in the dog food aisle.
Here are all the ways these playful pups will improve your trip.
They provide a great workout
As you will be held accountable for anything that happens, you want to be sure to keep an eye on them at all times. You’ll be crushing those daily goals on your fitness tracker (also on sale) chasing these cuties around. Where else can you get a sweater and a sweat?
Caring for an animal builds character
Discipline, love, house training — all things you are legally responsible for. Cleaning up after a Saint Bernard makes you appreciate the finer things, like cotton pajama pants (2-for-1 sale now). For your convenience, trash stations are located at the only entrance and exit.
Sniff your way to savings
Dogs have an impressive sense of smell, which allows them to find any product you need in half the time. No more wandering the aisles. Just hold our new scratch-and-sniff booklets to their snouts and be whisked away to whatever your heart desires — if we have it. Thanks to these powerful pooches, we’re able to lower our costs by reducing our workforce. You’ll save pennies every time, which is often because you always remember what you were supposed to get once you make it home.
For the Gram
Watch your follower count skyrocket once you flood your feed with pics of you and your furry friend. Snoozing on the sofa, lounging on lawn chairs, or dining at the dinner table. The possibilities are endless, depending on what’s in the seasonal section. With some creative clothing options and mastery of Photoshop, you’ve already got your next Christmas card!
Husband refuse to come because you take too long looking at clothes? Wife choose not to watch you read the back of the razors for twenty minutes? With a helpful hound, you’ll always have someone to provide you with honest feedback while you shop. Rom-com head tilts, whimpers, and paws over the eyes will tell you how on target your look is.
Can’t decide if you want a dog at home? Give ownership a commitment-free whirl right here. We guarantee low prices, but we can’t guarantee you won’t fall in love. You’ll never want to let them go, but you’ll have to.
Let’s Do This!
We’re so excited to make your Target experiences even more memorable. And to kick things off, if you’re one of the first 100 shoppers, we’ll give you a $5 gift card on a purchase of $250 or more. We hope to see you soon!
Really, we’re going I Am Legend with these mannequins.