Hi, It’s Me The Moon. Can You Move Your TV Back Toward The Window So I Can Watch Suits?

The Moon is a Netflix password sharer.

Ring…Ring…Ring…

Sarah, hi. The Moon calling. Yeah, is now a good time?

I mean I can see that you just finished eating. I’m always watching haha!

Yeah no. I see that… I see that.

So, I was just wondering if you had a reason to redecorate your apartment? I saw that you rearranged the living room. And you uh, moved uh, you moved the TV.

Yeah. So how are we going to watch Suits now? I mean we were only on episode 6 of the fourth season? I was just confused on how I would be able to see it?

No, no I hear that you got new furniture but don’t you see how that’s impacting me? It’s hard, I am on a very strict path, no deviations. Okay. If I deviate I destroy the earth? Is that what you want Sarah? I don’t want that?

Listen, it’s just been hard. Okay it’s been hard being the moon, I was just a New Moon and I am coming out of waxing and you know how difficult that time is for me. And all I wanted to do was watch my show. Suits. With the girl I love. And you moved the TV! What is that about?

The what- the SUN? What do you mean the Sun wanted to watch Survivor? Are you seeing each other? You can’t even look at him! You can look at me all night long.

Sorry, I sound crazy right now. It’s just I care so much about you… and Suits. Like everyone is talking about it and I need to see what my favorite group of no nonsense New York corporate lawyers are getting up to! Look if you could just move the TV back that’s all I am asking, maybe set up a second monitor by the window. Just make sure the subtitles are on.

Wait, what do you mean Harry left the firm? I didn’t see that yet? Have you been watching without me?

Sarah, that is so fucked up I can’t even believe you right now.

I’m glad the summer solstice is approaching because I need some time alone. Your neighbor Franklin just started a Mad Men rewatch so maybe I will do that Sarah.

If I am honest I wouldn’t go to open waters tonight because the tides are going to be rough because I didn’t get to see what Meghan Markle and crew got up to. Just know, if I was human I would have never done this to you.

Remember I am the moon and basically an omnipotent God. Not a good ex-boyfriend to have. You know what, I am sorry for ever trusting you.

Bye.