Hillary Considers Second Run
Drumpf’s popularity jumps within minutes
The White House looked to be within the Democrat’s reach in 2020. More than 20 candidates have declared their intention to run. Even Republicans believe Joe Biden has more experience and skill than Drumpf. Beto Hernandez leads the forefront of the youth movement.
Hillary Clinton brought rain clouds to the celebration when she announced she still plans to leave the door open for a second run. Since she announced, Drumpf’s popularity rose five percent in the polls even though all respondents agreed they find him as disgusting as they did last month.
“Now I remember why I voted for our heroic leader in 2016,” said Mary Jane Robinson, college graduate and suburban housewife who voted a straight Democratic ticket in November. “Why did I ever give the house to Nancy Pelosi and the party of the Jackass?”
More than a dozen civic organizations such as the White Brotherhood for White Neighborhoods, Nationalists for a Whiter America, Families for Child-Safe Pizza Parlors and the Post-Hitler Youth burned Hillary in Effigy in their town squares.
“We dodged a bullet,” said Supreme Wizard Whitey Allwhite of the Newport Beach America Only Brigade. “For a moment it looked like the mongrels and white-haters was gonna vote our precious Führer out of officeholding. Then the wicked white Jew woman rose up from hell and forged a common enemy for all of us.”
“For a moment it looked like the mongrels and white-haters was gonna vote our precious Führer out of officeholding. Then the wicked white Jew woman rose up from hell and forged a common enemy for all of us.”
Democratic strategists are at a loss to explain how Hillary’s presence could boost Drumpf’s support so quickly. “Once they saw him in action, people should have realized they overreacted with the ‘Lock her up,’ stuff,” Democratic pollster Howie High confided. “We’re talking about a responsible, dedicated public servant who devoted her life to the welfare of the American people and a man who scammed, conned, stole and lied his way to the Presidency. How does he become the good guy?”
“Years of sabotage,” GOP Strategist N. Sid Eyeous explained to our reporter. “When Ms. with a S Clinton took control of her womanizing husband’s health care initiative, we discovered she was more popular than him. Especially with women. There was no way we’d give the Clintons sixteen years, especially because their whelp would be old enough to run in 2016. So we sent Ken Starr in for a real witch hunt, and made her the villain.”
“Throw enough shit, throw it for three decades and all people can smell is shit. Little did we know we would throw enough to make the fake shit (we threw at Hillary) smell worse than Drumpf’s noxious real turds.
Eyeous confirmed that they burned Hillary at the stake as often and as publicly as possible, a strategy that culminated with the “Lock her up,” demonstration at the 2016 GOP convention.
“So you knew she did nothing wrong,” our reporter pushed.
“It doesn’t matter,” Eyeous claimed. “Throw enough shit, throw it for three decades and all people can smell is shit. Little did we know we would throw enough to make the fake shit smell worse than Drumpf’s noxious real turds s. But are we glad we did. And I promise we’ve ordered train loads of fake shit now that she’s announced again. She couldn’t beat Hiltler.”
Eyeous, paused, and added as an afterthought, “When you think of it, she ran against the bastard child of Hitler and Stalin in 2016 and lost. She won’t even win the popular vote this time.”
Jonesing for an additional 45 fix? Check out:
- Allan Ishac
- Steven Rouach
- The White House Log, a roundup of my reporting.
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.
