The Haven
Published in

The Haven

Hips May Not Lie But Juan Valdez Sure as Hell Does

Conchita’s had enough!

Illustration by the author.

Hola! Conchita here! You may know me from those Colombian coffee commercials. I’m sure you’ve seen Juan Valdez. Well, I’m his mula. Or at least I used to be. But that’s over now.

Sometimes I wonder why I ever loved him. The man’s a fucking diva. He always hogs the spotlight. He gets manicures and pedicures and…

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Tom Billings

Tom Billings

Tom Billings writes and draws in Northville, Michigan.