Horton Defunds the WHO
On the 23rd of February, from the memo of Mick,
Horton read that the Covid could make millions sick.
“No way!” poo-poohed Horton. “I’ve never heard tell
of a small speck of virus that is able to kill.
So you know what I think?…Why, I think pretty soon
it will just disappear ‘cuz we’ll all be immune.
I bet only five, at tops one or two,
people will die from this fake-news-cold-flu!”
But the scientists scolded, “Our data’s clear as a bell.
We experts agree things are not going well.
Our research it tells us, the only resistance
is to stay home and practice six feet of distance.”
“Well, I think that you’re wrong,” sneered Horton the Fool,
and the fools in his pocket cheered, “Us too! Us too!”
“Believe me,” said Horton. “I tell you sincerely,
My brain is the biggest and I’m thinking quite clearly.
It’s one guy from China. The summer is near.
This bug, like my tax returns, will just disappear.”
So through the United of States, Covid continued to spread.
Stores sold out of t.p and sold out of bread.
Then Horton relented, “Ok. Fine. For two weeks
we can stay in our homes ‘till this virus peaks.”
“Humphf,” humphed a voice. ’Twas a sour Red Voter.
“Of the economy you said you’d be a promoter!
Why, all those folks dying — they’re old and they’re sick!
And your ban means I can’t see the new Star Wars flick!
You’ve closed all our beaches, salons, and baseball.
You’ve closed all our churches, our bars, and our malls.
We’ve had it to here with these dumb rules for safety!
We’re being oppressed, we’re going stir crazy!
Who cares if our grandparents die by the dozens?
Who cares if we lose brothers, sisters, and cousins?
We’ve brows that needs waxing. We’ve balls that need bowling.
Open the floodgates, or beware your polling!”
“You mean…” Horton gasped. “I could lose the election?”
“Oh yes,” warned the fools, “Total red state rejection.”
“But we can’t lift the bans!” Fauci cried with alarm.
“If we do, then more people will come to great harm.
We need a vaccine! We need better testing!
In science, not hunches, we should be investing!”
The Redhatsham Brothers then began shouting:
“What drivel! What rot! What nonsense he’s spouting.
Such carryings-on in our prosperous village!
Now people are home, there’s no pockets to pillage.
Dump the doctor!” they threatened. “Muzzle the killjoy!
Throw out his data. Get him out of your employ!
It was never as bad as these ‘scientists’ said.
Look at us!,” bragged the brothers,” “Just look! We’re not dead.”
So they brought out their guns! They blockaded streets,
waved Confederate flags and refused to retreat:
“Our bodies are ours! Your laws can’t control ‘em,
(except for the bodies belonging to women),”
said the Redhatsham Brothers as they raised themselves tall.
“Because a person’s a person, no matter how small
(unless they are old or they’re sick or they’re poor
or they’re brown or they’re black or from Singapore
or from any of those places out there near China).
We believe that life’s precious, do we need to remind ya?”
Poor Horton was anxious. Poor Horton was worried.
To avoid looking weak, he needed to hurry.
He called to his people: “I’m lifting the bans.
You’re safe now. Don’t worry. You can all go get tans.”
But Cuomo swooped in and snatched Horton’s thunder.
“You know that you’re making a terrible blunder!
A little less Fox News, a little more work
is just what you need. Stop being a jerk!
It appears you’ve forgotten one crucial thing:
In the United of States we don’t have a king.”
Then the rest of the country collapsed in a swoon:
“Why at last! A leader who’s not a buffoon!”
“Help! Help!” cried poor Horton. “It’s my darkest hour.
This virus, it’s eating up all of my power.
Surely a cure must be within reach!
Can’t we kill it with sunlight? Inject it with bleach?”
Through the White House rushed Horton, from east wing to west.
But the bad news kept coming. It gave him no rest.
No vaccine in sight! No triumph to claim!
Horton HAD to find someone or something to blame.
He thought and he thought ’til his thinker was sore.
Poor Horton wasn’t suited for this leadership chore.
He missed playing golf and hanging with Stormy
back in the day when life was less thorny,
before science and bar charts and pandemic flus.
But at last he had it! He knew what to do!
So he called in the press and climbed onto the stage.
“I agree,” Horton said, “I too am enraged!
Tell me, who is this WHO I keep hearing about?
And why didn’t they warn us about the breakout?
And why didn’t they tell us that we should start testing?
And how come they’ve no plan for stopping it spreading?
So I’ve called this briefing. Thrown CNN out.
I’ll make the WHO holler! I’ll make the WHO pout!
I’ll take every dollar away from the WHO
now that my ratings are going to poo!”
“You’re the greatest! The smartest!” cheered the red-hatted fools.
“And from now on you know what we’re planning to do,
From now ’til we die, we’re only voting for you!”
And the kids at their sides coughed and nodded: “Us Too!”
