How I Earned $4.86 in My First Six Months on Medium
How to Get Rich Very, Very Slowly
I’d heard the rumors. Medium is the perfect platform for freelancers! My brother-in-law’s friend got like a gazillion views and even more dollars on his first post! And it was a list! About the kinds of lists that generate the most views! It was a list of lists! And he can’t even read!
I decided to give it a try, posting about a story a month for the last six months. I made $4.86…and counting. And you can too! Medium is full of whack advice about how to boost your audience, but most of those pieces are misguided moneygrabs with a tremendous amount of claps (like, practical standing O’s). After my six month hot streak, I figured it’s time for me to add my two cents (leaving me with $4.84…money to burn). Here’s how you too can get on my level (19 followers…and counting):
- Don’t Become a Medium Member.
A medium membership is $5 a month. I read Freakonomics back in the day so I’m somewhat of an expert on dolla dolla bills y’all. In order to have a net positive in earnings one has to receive more money than one spends. If a Medium membership costs $5 a month and my earnings total $4.86 over six months, then (doing some quick math here…hold on…calculator app is not working…) I would definitely have less money than I started with. Plus, all those helpful Medium articles about how to make $$$ on Medium contain a lot of juicy nuggets in the opening sentences. So once I’m done with my three free monthly articles, I can still dine on a lot of scraps, if you know what I mean. Sure you could support great writing and build your network with a membership. Or you could sit back and watch the pennies pile up. Cha-ching!
2. No Photos
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. What they don’t tell you is that a thousand words is worth one picture. That means my 10,000 word opus about why I hate elevators is worth (doing some quick math here…hold on…calculator app still not working…) a lot of pictures! Why go to the trouble of finding a relevant photo that creates a snappy visual and crediting some photog who was of aboslutely no help to my creative process when I can just go pure text? Waste. Of. Time. Let the words flow and let the photogs stick to their Instagramming #getarealjob.
3. Post Intermittently
They say that writing is a grind. That you should set your alarm for 5:30 AM every morning, and sit down at your desk, and write for one hour no matter what! Not sure why I’d get up before 9:00 AM during a pandemic. If you don’t want writing to feel like a grind, just post once in awhile! You can actually not work very had and still generate a passive income. That’s what I’ve done to the tune of four (almost five!) George Washingtons...and counting.
4. Forget Tags
Sure you could add five tags to your piece, thereby giving people a simple method to find it, and the Medium curators a chance to select your work for wider viewership. You could also print out copies and go door-to-door peddling it if you’re that desperate! Desperation is a stinky cologne, and I prefer to go au naturale. If you write it, they will come. Don’t believe me? I have thousands of views (1,226, to be exact…and counting). I’ll see you at the top.
5. Don’t Share Your Work on Social Media
That’s what publicists are for. (Speaking of, any publicists out there in need of a new client? I could use a little help getting my work out there).
6. Sit Back and Watch the Money Pile-Up
I’d recommend having a working calculator app as well. That’ll help you keep track of your bankroll. As for me, I’m about to hit five bills. And if I can do it, believe me, anyone can.
