How Many Jars Of Cheese Will I Consume During Self-Quarantine?

I’ve realized a lot about myself during the last few days of self-quarantine. I see what I truly value, how much I’ve missed actual human contact, and, most importantly, how many jars of cheese I consume in a time of crisis. Besides washing my hands and avoiding crowds at all costs, my priorities now include a dire need to stock up on jarred cheese like that’s what will personally save me in the end.

I haven’t bought jarred cheese in years, and now I worry that I haven’t purchased enough! My jar to day ratio is currently 1:2. What if I start to eat a jar a day? More importantly, why is this the thing my brain is panicking about right now? I’ve never worried about having too little jarred cheese before! There are so many important things to contemplate right now, and THIS is where I’m at. It’s a bit startling, honestly.

Why aren’t I panicking about fresh fruits and vegetables? Thats seems like the healthier choice. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but… really? This is what my brain jumps to in a global pandemic? I’m ashamed. Maybe this is a personal epiphany and jarred cheese was my soul’s true answer to stress all along.

If I focus more on what I can do to help others at this time and eat a salad before consuming my new vice, the cheese thing won’t be so jarring. Oh no, A…