How My Midlife Psychic Got Me Through My Quarter Life Crisis

Between mental breakdowns at my waitressing job, anxiety attacks the moment my mom asks if booked any auditions, and smoking hash oil to shut down that haunting, James Earl Jones-esque voice echoing, “where is your life going,” my family and friends finally slapped me in the face with reality. They said, “Julia — you are going through your quarter life crisis. And you need help.” That was when I met Sara the Psychic.

I know what you’re thinking — why not try therapy? Let’s clarify one thing, I am all for therapy. When you find the right doctor under your plan, great things happen. I just don’t have insurance…. or the weekly $250.00-$300.00 owed to the best in my area. In between tears and sniffles, I put on the Iron and Wine Pandora Playlist and drove to Spirit Earth Center to figure my life out.

I’m sure you’re also asking, why a psychic? After all, the first psychic I ever encountered was named Sabrina who told me I would get pregnant at seventeen, swatted imaginary flies, and drank out of a flask with a bedazzled picture of buddha on it. Two years later, a (not pregnant) seventeen-year-old Julia I met her longtime psychic friend, Wendy who changed everything.

Wendy predicted every role I have ever booked and knew I would study theater at Rutgers University. She even humbled me with the news that I would pay off my student loans by booking a Mormon commercial! Wendy and I became friends, sharing a few laughs over quant, vegan lunch dates from time to time! Quarter-life-crisis Julia knew Wendy became the key to her James Earl pressure. So, I park my car, wipe away my tears, and enter the building smelling of hope, dreams, and sage. But, according to Marie, the turquoise-covered cashier talking to her pendulum, Wendy was not in.

My heart shattered. Feeling in my legs vanished. Wendy wasn’t available for a reading?! She has to be here! I tried calling her, but no answer. I was heartbroken. I had never felt this betrayed by life since my boyfriend of two years left me for Taiwan to find himself. I immediately thought, “How am I going to find myself now?!”

“Sara is available for a reading, would you like to schedule an appointment with her?” asked our turquoise-obsessed cashier. I immediately gasped. My heart quickly mended itself. Feeling returned to my legs. Gumption instilled itself in my root chakra. Sara is available, THE Sara?! The Sara of highest demand, who is always booked to the brim?! Who is supposedly the descendent of Rebecca Norris from the Crucible?! The stars aligned! I am going to talk to Sara! I threw my money at Marie, took a deep breath, and bravely entered her domain.

Sara sat there, like the goddess portrayed in the Empress tarot card. Surrounded by colorful stones and burning beige candles, she welcomed me in, gave me a rose quartz necklace to wear throughout the reading, and handed me her tarot cards smelling of lilies and empowerment. “Shuffle, my dear,” said Sara. As she closed her eyes, breathing deep into her solar plexus, I shuffled the cards. As soon as I finished shuffling and dividing the cards into three piles, she opened her eyes. That’s when I knew we were telepathically connected. Despite the fact that the death card appeared, I felt a weight lifted off my chest. Sara knew I was an emotional mess; she knew I didn’t know where my life was going. Sara even knew I still wasn’t over that ex in Taiwan!

Best of all, Sara gave me the best life advice of any mentor. She advised me to stop smoking weed and write at least five minutes every day. She taught me how to meditate and create positive, daily mantras for myself. She even taught me how to clear friends and family of negative energies and souls! Sara told me I would book a roles, get a better boyfriend, and become a published writer. She even picked up on my past life as a Scottish dancer! And guess what?! I have booked some acting roles, I have a boyfriend who lets me sage his bedroom from time to time, and I am a published writer! I just don’t know about the past life. I suppose I never will. Maybe that is the point of life — never knowing what’s to come. I could keep it a mystery, but I can also see Sara every couple of months, am I right?!

Sara is in her midlife, and is having anything but a crisis. So, how do you get through your quarter life crisis? Befriend a midlife psychic! Sara is a woman of great wisdom, and cheaper than therapy!