Private Matters
How Passive-Aggressive Google Would Answer Your Personal Questions.
Because who else are you going to ask?
10. Am I cheating if I look at porn?
It really depends on the time?
9. Am I a loser?
If you’re asking Google, what does that tell you?
8. Am I crazy?
See 9.
7. Am I in love?
If you’re so annoyed by someone else’s way of life that you decide to hang around, then yes, you are in love.
6. Am I pregnant?
Put your uterus in the search box and we’ll tell you.
5. Do I have ________________? (fill in STD here)
Again, see 9.
6. Why can’t I get laid?
Because you seek advice about matters of vulnerability from a unemotional, kind of crappy, but well marketed search engine.
3. What’s wrong with me?
Not everything. Just a few mega-important things.
2. Am I gay?
Probably.
…and number 1 — Why do people hate me?
People don’t hate you. They love you. It’s just love can…
