Strictly Business
How to Become Your Own Boss
Employ these tactics when being employed
Are you seeking a minimum wage occupation in a retail store? Well, this article is for you! Polish that résumé, your articulation and your forehead before you head into that interview. However, if you want to secure your own authority in your workplace, you’ll want to do the following things:
#1. Take Notes
Your interviewer will most likely be taking notes on the quality of answer you respond with to their questions. Therefore, you should be prepared to take notes on the quality of the questions they ask you, so that they know how seriously to take you. Once the interview is completed, demand to speak with the interviewer’s direct supervisor and supply them with the quality of interview you were given.
#2. Imply Otherwise
If your interviewer makes any kind of assumption about you, say something to the effect of “How dare you assume that I’m Caucasian, I’m clearly opaque!” By inserting a passive aggressive tone, you thereby shift the dominance in your favour.
#3. Satire
Make observational humour stemming from retail stereotypes to enforce your awareness of the scope of competition. A bold irreverence goes a long way in asserting yourself as the alpha in an interview.
#4. Hints
Drop hints throughout your interview that, like the interview itself, you’re slowly taking control of the store. Don’t be too subtle, but don’t be too blatant either. Just enough to unnerve the individual sitting across from you.
#5. Use Quotes from The Office (2005–2013)
Pop culture references are the best in a context like this because you can use them in to distract from the confusion that your interviewer might be in at this stage. Quotes like “Boy, have you lost your damn mind, ‘cause I’ll help you find it!” or “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious,” are perfect lines that you can use that fit seamlessly in nearly any question that might be thrown your way.
#6. Drop the Bomb
Well, not an actual bomb, but rather the bombshell that in the time that the interview has been conducted, you’ve successfully completed a wire transfer that gives you full ownership of that retail chain. Yeah, not just that location, but the whole nine yards.
If you follow these steps, you will find yourself in a position of power in a matter of minutes. It’s that easy! It’s like putting raw chicken in a pressure cooker for five or six minutes then eating it. Being a boss is easy, and the path to becoming one is even easier.
