How to Date Women in Germany
Efficiently uplift your dating game, which already makes you sexy in Germany
This article is written from the perspective of a white male in Germany. The author belongs to a minority, though, so there is a high validity to the following guidelines.
EINS — Dating in General
There is no dating, in general.
Suppose you don’t know any women, bad for you. Everything happens in your social circle.
Your social circle is the people you meet at work and the people you socialize with after work, which are obviously your coworkers.
If you can’t find women you like (or that like you back) where you work, work elsewhere.
Which you should do anyway since you could be working more — earning more!
ZWEI — Trying to Find Dates Anyways
There are loopholes to rule number EINS.
Germans have hobbies. They’re mostly centered around some form of “VEREINSMITGLIEDSCHAFT.”
So if you have a particular interest or hobby, you’ll find a group of people you can associate within a “Verein” — a club or association.
There is a “Verein” for absolutely everything. Do you like to breed rabbits with friends? Join a “KANINCHENZÜCHTERVEREIN”
Do you want to be in an association for people that are in associations? No problem, go to the “BUNDESVERBAND DEUTSCHER VEREINE UND VERBÄNDE.”
A quick side note — if you’ve got trouble pronouncing some of these German words, just try to yell them loudly while clenching your fist very hard. You might practice it in a mirror.
Perfect, you’re now investing 8–11 hours a day in your office job. You don’t go home now, remember, you're dating!
You drive straight to the clubhouse or headquarters to work on the club's finances and weekly meetings. That’s unbelievably German. You might call yourself HEINRICH or RÜDIGER now.
DREI — You Actually Managed to Find a German Woman
You most likely already know each other for years and are both wondering why exactly you are dating.
Let’s say that the stars aligned, Bismark and Emperor Willhelm had your back, and she’s seen your BMW.
Side note again — make sure it is not a model 3 BMW, those are for immigrants. Well, a lot of immigrants drove them 15 years ago. Immigrants are now driving model 5. Don’t have that one either.
Don't drive Mercedes, too. Rich immigrants drive those. Since you’re reading this guide, you don’t own a Porsche… That would have been perfect…
Actually, BMW model 3 is cool again, I guess. Kind of an understatement. Try not to look like an immigrant in it, though.
If you want to avoid dating altogether, just drive a French car.
If you’re an immigrant, that might be actually beneficial. Who knows, really.
Where were we — dating. The first couple of dates should take place publically during workdays. Germans visit family during the weekends.
Everyone is an academic.
Since everyone is an academic, people have studied in one place and grew up in another one. For the average German woman, this could mean she grew up in Hannover, studied in Berlin, and now works in Munich. Weekends are reserved for friends and family 500km away at best.
Always use the metric system. Anything else is not sexy!
What should you talk about?
Here is a list of topics Germans love to talk about:
- Work
Ask her what she does for a living and how she got there. If you desire to know what else she does in her life, try to disguise the question a bit like so:
“How does being a dentist, blogger, and local guide influence your hobbies? What were your hobbies again?”
If you’re at some point being asked questions yourself, they will mostly relate to your job and what grinds your gears.
Germany is quite liberal. You don’t have to be a lawyer or physician anymore to have a high social standing. You have to use buzzwords. Here are some jobs in combination with buzzwords that work wonders:
- Any profession in healthcare — talk about how the healthcare system needs to be more digital. You don’t have to understand what that means. Nobody does.
- Any profession in the automotive industry. You bought a diesel-powered car once. It’s somehow bad now. Cry about it. Germans love that.
- Marketing. Wear a hat and have a beard. Perfect!
- The ultimate job — Unternehmer. This literally (actually not figuratively) translates to “entrepreneur.” Have you sold something once? Great, you’re an Unternehmer. Are you currently unemployed and post a lot on Instagram? You’re a digital “Unternehmer”!
Now you’re equipped to tackle the first phases of dating and finding love in Germany.
ABSCHLUSSBETRACHTUNG — Final Thoughts
Just have one principle in mind. Be efficient.
She wants to know your motivation. She is German. She can handle it. If what you’re looking for is casual sex, say something like:
“I want to have sex with you later. The SAUERKRAUTBRATEN (sauerkraut roast) was very good, by the way!”
In my next article about dating in Germany, I’ll delve into how Germans procreate and how relationships look.
It will be great fun.
