How to Find a Missing Aircraft Carrier

FFS, Donald, Do I Have to Tell You How to Do EVERYTHING?

According to news reports, the Trump administration seems to have misplaced an aircraft carrier. Well, I’m a mom — which, by definition, makes me an expert on telling people how to find their stuff. So in light of this national emergency, I offer the following helpful hints that might assist with locating the missing carrier:

1. Use the “Find my Aircraft Carrier” app.
2. Follow the trail of bread crumbs.
3. Ask Melania if she might have accidentally hid it along with the Easter eggs.
4. Watch “Finding Nemo.” Take notes.
5. Put Jared in charge of finding it.
6. Check the couch cushions.
7. See if Kellyanne has it. No one has seen her for a while either.
8. Post “Missing — Aircraft Carrier” posters around the neighborhood
9. Call the local police department to make sure it’s not sleeping off a bender in the county jail.
10. Check to see if it was left in the dryer.
11. Find Waldo. It’s probably with him.
12. Ask Obama where he hid it. (Not funny, Obama!)

See more from Your Mom — “10 Reasons Why I, a Woman, Won’t Dine Alone with Mike Pence”

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