How to Know When You Are Ready for Pesto Pizza…

For the many of us who grew up eating takeout pizza consisting of rubbery cheese flecked with a random assortment of pre-masticated vegetables tossed carelessly on a watery sugar paste bed of thinned out ketchup smeared over a cardboard crust, the adult decision to order a pizza with pesto may seem exotic, sophisticated, and slightly subversive.

But, how exactly do you know when you are ready for pesto pizza?

Take the test, below, and find out.

1). You own a charcuterie board.

2). You belong to a book club.

3). You use “summer” as a verb.

4). You’ve practiced telling people that you liked Everything Everywhere All at Once without irony to the point where they almost believe you.

5). You are “spiritual” without being religious.

6). You claim to have read Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace in its entirety.

7). You have one or more parent currently nursing a Pickle Ball injury.

8). You have experimented with at least two types of facial hair.

9). You plan on taking a year off in order to travel before beginning graduate school.

10). You can correctly use the word “balkanize” in a sentence.

Yes (6–10 times): Congratulations, you are ready for pesto pizza.

Yes (1–5 times): Stick to tomato sauce.