How to Spend Nothing on Eggs by Spending Everything on Chickens
Are you tired of exorbitant egg prices constantly increasing? Do you and your family members play dangerous games of Russian Rou-Omelette to determine who gets a frittata for breakfast? Well, worry no more, thousands of Americans are turning to a simple solution: raise chickens!
Starting at a low investment of hundreds of dollars, you can cultivate your very own chicken farm! All you need is a small patch of land and a rickety coup you’ll assemble yourself (it’s cheaper that way). Additionally, you’ll want to set aside some funds for chicken wire, feed, and coup maintenance when your novice construction work inevitably begins to fall apart.
Every morning you’ll channel the spirits of your agricultural ancestors as you muscle through the overpowering smell of chicken excrement to cautiously retrieve eggs. Be aware that hens make creepy brrrrraaaaaaaaaaak sounds when you rummage through their nests, but they generally won’t attack you. However, if you opted to also raise a rooster (free alarm clock!) be prepared for unpredictable strikes from every conceivable angle. Watch out for those sharp spurs!
Also, keep in mind that chickens are by far the dumbest birds you’ll ever encounter and are constantly dying. They have more predators than feathers, so expect to conduct funerals often.
You’ll know you’ve made your pastoral predecessors proud when your fridge is stacked with eggs and your yard has transformed into a ravaged wasteland. Now it’s time to embrace your newfound homestead lifestyle and save even more money by buying a cow!
