A POTENTIALLY PAINFUL QUIZ
How to Tell if You’re the Guy at the Bar No Wants to Talk To
This may or may not be an intervention
If you’ve read this far, you definitely are.
Kidding! You’re almost certainly not that guy.
But let’s get into this. Has anyone near you at a bar ever scooched away a little bit when you’ve started talking about something you’re passionate about?
It’s okay. Happens to us all. You’re incredibly likely not that guy. Full speed ahead.
Do you spend the vast majority of your evenings at bars alone, unable to get friends or family to join you for even one drink?
Hey, who doesn’t? You’re still doing great.
Do you find yourself talking only to strangers you met minutes after they sat down or to staff who are paid to tolerate you?
Okay, you’re still probably not that guy, but let’s soldier on.
Do people who look vaguely familiar to you ever see you at the bar and then pretend they didn’t make eye contact, only to move away to a table as far away from you as possible?
Hmm. That could have easily been a case of mistaken identity. Too soon to judge.
Have you noticed couples on a date walk into an establishment while you’re sitting at the bar, see you, and then look at each other and immediately leave?
Ouch. There might be a 50/50 chance that you’re not that guy. Maybe 40/60.
Is the only local bar you haven’t been kicked out of the one that just opened a few days ago?
Oof. This ain’t looking so good.
Have you already run into that dude you hadn’t seen in years at this new bar and found out he also got kicked out of every other bar in town?
Lordy. You’re killing me. But I like a challenge.
Are you reading this at a bar and just realized that several people around you quickly paid their checks and slipped out during the brief period you stopped talking to look at your phone?
Ugh. Maybe it’s best not to talk odds anymore.
I pray that you’re not the guy who walked into a bar super happy because your team just won a big game and bought the entire bar a round when you didn’t even have enough money to pay for your own drinks when you closed out?
Oh vey. You’re a real piece of work.
Okay, there’s still a very slight chance that you’re not that guy at the bar that no one wants to talk to. At least you’ve never insisted that Denzel Washington was in The Shawshank Redemption and then threw a clumsy, drunken sucker-punch at the guy who showed you that you were wrong on IMDB, right?
Wait, you’re that fucker who took a swing at me last night at Callaghan’s?!
Have fun waiting for a new bar to open, buddy.
Oh, and Denzel Washington also wasn’t in Lean On Me.
