How to Win Friends and Influence People When Your Head is a Giant Light Bulb
1. Make them feel important:
Try this: lean over a shorter guy’s head and light up. Watch as he sees the light bulb above his head and starts believing his ideas are brilliant.
After that, he’ll want to hang around you all the time. All because you made him feel clever.
People love someone who makes them feel important. Figure out what you have in common with someone. Then show them how they’re much better at it than you.
Do they look like they rarely shower? Call attention to it with a compliment: “Wow, even when I light up, I don’t attract as many flies as you! Good job!”
Does the other person have halitosis? Remark on how their breath is sooo much more pungent than the inert gases in your mouth.
Everyone enjoys winning, and winning against you will make them enjoy being around you.
2. Be friendly:
Not everyone has a coiled filament in their giant light bulb head. Some have a semi-conductor, or, as the Human-Heads call it, “Resting Bitch Face.”
Always be mindful of the vibe you give off.
A great way to make a strong first impression is to tip your lampshade and say “M’Human.” You come across as warm, yet suave.
During conversations, recall the famous Dale Carnegie’s advice: a person’s name is the sweetest sound to them. Weaving their name in-between dialogue is easy; supremely more so, if they happen to be named “Bzzzzzzzt.”
Body language is also vital to friendliness. Don’t dim yourself around others. Shine your brightest. Let them know, to you, they’re worth the electric bill.
“Less than 5% of a light bulb’s input power is converted to light, with the rest lost as heat energy,” complains the cold, calculating Engineer.
But the Social, Friendly Lightbulb-Head knows that the higher the output inefficiency, the more warmth they exude to new friends.
3. Learn to see through their point of view:
Empathize with a Human-Head’s perspective to build rapport.
Human-Heads can appear baffling. Consider, for instance, when you notice how they did not shave correctly, and you try to help them out by rotating their head to unscrew and replace it. Instead of being grateful, they panic!
To understand why, you have to see through their perspective. They panic because admitting the need to replace their grimy headpiece means admitting a fault.
The loss of confidence from admitting fault can cause a loss of motivation. This decreases their will to live, to the point where many Human-Heads fizzle out as soon as their original head is unscrewed.
The glass of your light bulb may be fragile, but never more so than the Human-Head’s ego. Denial is their favorite coping mechanism.
Respect their views, and refrain from unscrewing their headpiece, regardless of how much sense it makes.
4. Take interest in their interests:
Most people love talking about themselves
They don’t want to hear you brag about your tungsten. They want to be asked to open their mouths and show off their tongue and uvula.
They want to be asked what wattage their face glowed at when they were pregnant.
You may enjoy talking about your wiring. But most Human-Heads are wireless, as their Electrician cuts their umbilical cord at birth.
To win people over, talk about the things they love. For instance, give proud parents a chance to tell you about the light bulbs they adopted to hang from the ceiling. They’ll be pouring out funny anecdotes of the pranks their little light bulbs played. “Flickered every time I sat down to read a book, then stopped flickering every time I got up to rotate them. HA! My little rascals!”
Now, go! Practice the four tips in this guide. Master them, and soon, you’ll have everyone inviting you to hang out with them on their ceilings!
