How to Write an Article Nobody Wants to Read

It all starts with the title

I did this! By Author

Hello Reader!¹

(1) Never start your article with these words. Readers hate when you’re polite. They want to be pol.ari.zed²

(2) Also, never put a footnote at the top of your article. They are called footnotes for a reason. For the Europeans out there, they are NOT called…