How Vinny and Edna Chose Their Wedding Song

Vinny and Edna sat on the couch on a gloomy Sunday afternoon, the perfect time to do some wedding planning. Edna found things on her Pinterest and nudged her fiancée to get his opinion. Vinny, utterly engrossed in playing Mortal Kombat, would say “yeah” or “nah.”

“What do you think of these flowers?”

“Yeah.”

“But what about these flowers?”

“Nah.”

The day meandered on, a couple content in their roles and excited for their future. After an hour or so, Edna took a break and snuggled in Vinny’s lap. She looked up at her fiancée with the eyes of someone truly in love.

“What should our wedding song be?”

“What’s that, babe?”

“I said, what should we pick for our wedding song?”

“Oh, that’s easy.” Edna sat up. One of her favorite things about Vinny was how he could be so randomly certain. Pizza orders, his favorite Apollo mission, and now this. A couple of moments passed without another word, so Edna once again asked him.

“I’m listening. What should our song be?”

“Ahhh shit.” Vinny, playing as Sub-Zero, died a horrible death. He tossed the controller on the couch, looked at his future bride, and smiled a Vinny smile.

“The Scorpions — No One Like You.” Edna waited for the punch line and when none arrived said,

“No, really. What should our song be?”

“I’m not joking. The Scorpions — No One Like You.”

“You’re being silly. I don’t even know that song.”

“It’s seriously a great song. Classic love song.”

“Okay, let me hear it.” Vinny pulled it up on his phone and hit play. Edna barely got through the chorus when she stood up.

“That cannot be our wedding song.”

“Why not? There’s no one like you! That’s us!”

“Because it’s ridiculous. I’m not dancing at our wedding to some cheesy 80s metal song.”

“It’s not cheesy — “ Edna interrupted him.

“How would we even dance to that?”

“How are we going to dance to anything? I’m not exactly Rob Thomas Smooth out there.”

“We’re going to pick a real song and get lessons.”

“What if we got lessons built around this song?”

“Vinny enough with this dumb song.”

“How come my idea is dumb, but all yours are good?” Edna noticed the conversation was beginning to match the weather outside.

“First of all, I include you in every decision. Second, your ideas aren’t dumb, just this song.” Vinny stood up and paced around the living room.

“This is important to me. I love the Scorpions. I want them at our wedding.”

“Fine, invite the band, just don’t ask them to play.”

“Edna, I’m not joking around. We are dancing to “No One Like You.” It’s settled.” It was Edna’s turn to pace.

“I’m sorry, is it 2017 or 1953?”

“Why do you have to get like this? Why can’t I pick a God damn song without it turning into a thing?”

“I’m not making it a thing, you are.” Vinny’s face turned red.

“Is this how life is going to be? Shit I want doesn’t matter? Is our marriage just a shitty Josh Groban song?”

“I can ask you the same thing. Is my marriage just me being obedient to whatever you want?”

“Again, with the feminist bullshit!”

Edna was pissed. “Us being equal isn’t bullshit. It’s a fact.”

“You know what’s a fact? If we don’t pick the Scorpions, I’m done.”

“Then pack your shit up because we are done!” Vinny looked at Edna and, for a second, didn’t know what to say. He walked over to the front door, grabbed his keys, and stopped. Edna held her breath, hoping…waiting. Vinny turned around with a smile on his face, and Edna felt relief. That had escalated quickly! Thank God he calmed down. She couldn’t imagine life —

“I fucked your dad,” and Vinny walked out the door.